


Photographs

by starlightstarshine



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, Dubious Consent, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Beta Read, Photography, Swearing, bffs sangi, i barely know anything about film photography so this would be interesting, woosan really minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23900662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightstarshine/pseuds/starlightstarshine
Summary: Mingi is into film photography. Yunho thinks it’s ridiculous that someone in this digital age spends hours in a darkroom to develop a picture that they could have easily taken and saved on their phone in an instant. Mingi would very much like Yunho to stop attacking his aesthetic.Alternatively, Mingi collects photos in his shoebox, falls in love with his best friend and realizes love is a lot like developing photographs, it’s slow, needs patience and you have no idea how it’s going to turn out.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi
Comments: 40
Kudos: 307





	1. Photo # 1, 2, 3

**The first photo Mingi has in his shoebox isn’t even a picture he took himself.**

It’s a grainy photo of him when he was five, he is wearing a shirt that’s way too big for him and has an awful bowl cut that his mother, for some reason, thought looked good on him and didn’t change until he was ten. Mingi is sitting in the sandbox of the park in his neighbourhood, in front of him a failed attempt of a sandcastle, but his eyes were on the same aged boy in front of him. A smile stretched widely on his lips. 

Five-year-old Yunho, in his opinion, looked way better than five-year-old Mingi. For one, he is wearing clothes that actually fit him, that spiderman shirt and beige shorts that Yunho would constantly wear every time he went to the park. And every time Mingi was there, Yunho would run to him and pretend to shoot webs out of his fingers. Mingi, to appease him, had always pretended to fall down, even if that caused some scrapes to his knees. Also, Yunho’s hair wasn’t a poor imitation of the Beatles and even back then he wore a bright smile that seemed to charm everyone around him. 

In the photo, Yunho’s shirt is caked with dirt and he is kneeling in front of Mingi, a soft smile playing on his lips. His hand is extended towards Mingi and in his palm is what Mingi could make out from the photo to be a rock. 

Mingi finds this photo among countless others in a photo album he is looking through in an attempt to find photograph films to satisfy his newfound interest in film photography. His childhood album is filled with pictures of him and Yunho, but this one gains his interest. 

It’s the earliest photo of the two together, and there’s for sure a story behind it that Mingi can’t remember so he runs to his mom, who’s in the middle of cooking dinner, and waves the photo in her face. 

“When was this taken?” he asks as his mother squints at it. His mother puts her whisk down and grabs it. 

She smiles down at it brightly, “That’s when Yunho proposed to you.” 

Mingi scrunches his face in confusion, “Proposed to me?” 

His mother looks at her son fondly, “Yeah he refused to go home without you, so his mother told him that you can’t go home with him because you have your own family’s home to go to. So he ran over to the field nearby, found a rock and asked you to marry him. I found it cute so I took a picture of it.” 

Mingi takes the picture away from her and squints at it, “Did I accept?” 

His mother laughs as if the answer is obvious, “Of course you did, you _adored_ him even back then. Then Yunho called you his husband and said your part of his family so you can go home with him now.” 

“Did I keep the rock?” 

His mother shakes her head and picks up her whisk again, “Oh you two had a fight about who is going to use the shovel right after, so you threw it at him.” 

Mingi smiles softly, his heart giddy after hearing the story, “Makes sense.” 

So since Mingi doesn’t have the rock, he keeps the photo instead. 

He brings it up to Yunho a few days later when they’re sitting in Yunho’s kitchen eating the seafood noodles that Yunho’s mom left them before she went to work. 

“Did you know,” he asks, slurping his noodles, “that you proposed to me when were five?” 

Yunho, sitting cross-legged on his chair drinking the soup of his noodles, almost spits it out in fake surprise. His eyes widen and he puts his hand on his chest. 

“You mean to tell me we’re married,” he fake gasps. 

Mingi points his chopsticks at him, pouting, “The engagement was broken up in the next five seconds cause you were being an asshole. You wish you had all of this.”

Yunho giggles, “Who even told you this?” 

“My mom.” 

Yunho reaches over and steals a piece of shrimp from Mingi’s plate, “That’s for breaking off our engagement.” 

Mingi almost jams the chopsticks into the other’s hand in retaliation, “Eat from your own plate.” 

Yunho pops the shrimp in his mouth and smirks, “But it tastes better from your plate.” 

“No wonder I threw that rock at you,” Mingi mumbles, taking the plate in his hands and moving further away from Yunho so he can’t steal more from his plate. 

8 years of friendship stands no chance against food. 

Yunho laughs and flings a stray noodle at him which lands right on Mingi’s head. Which makes him laugh harder. 

Mingi would have thrown something back but he is too distracted by the sight of Yunho throwing back his head in laughter. A feeling of warmth blossoms in his chest.

* * *

**The second photo in the shoebox is the first photo he had taken himself.**

There were only a few weeks left of school and the laziness of summer break had already reached Mingi and Yunho. The two of them were supposed to be in the dining room, doing their math homework, but Yunho after 5 minutes of attempting to do so had thrown his pencil in the air in frustration, yelling that he would lose his mind if he doesn’t complete the next level of the video game he’s been hooked unto. 

Typically this wouldn’t be a problem. They would go play a game until there’s half an hour left till Yunho’s mother comes home. Then they would scribble random numbers on their worksheets and most of the time Yunho’s mother is too tired from work to check if their answers are right or even relevant to the questions. 

Doing this, however, did no good for their grades. Mingi at least is kind of naturally good at math so he managed to pass their recent math test, Yunho, on the other hand, completely flunked it. 

His mother had thrown a rage and had given Yunho an ultimatum. 

Until he brings his grades back up, no video games or no Mingi. 

According to Yunho, he didn’t hesitate a second to choose Mingi over his video games. Thank god because Mingi didn’t want a repeat of last summer in which he went through some serious withdrawal syndromes when Yunho and his family went to the Bahamas for vacation (usually Mingi tags around for these trips but his mother had refused to send him with them last year and forced Mingi to help his dad at their convenience store). 

Yunho tells Mingi he doesn’t regret the decision, but as he stomps around the house searching through every nook and cranny to find the video game that his mother hid, Mingi has started to doubt that. 

“Wait, Mingi ah,” Yunho suddenly says in the middle of his search under the couches, “She must have hidden it in the attic.” 

Mingi shakes his head, a thousand horror scenarios that can happen in the attic, all resulting in death, run through his head, “I’m not going to the attic.” 

Yunho pouts and gives Mingi his puppy-eyed stare, he puts his palms together, “Mingiiiii, come help me find ittttttt.” 

Mingi starts to shake his head again so Yunho grabs Mingi’s hand and puts it between his hands, “Please,” he says, adding the pout to his puppy eyes. 

No human in existence has yet been discovered that can resist the fatal combination of Yunho’s puppy eyes and pout so Mingi gives in. Yunho drags him to the attic and the whole time Mingi doesn’t let go of his hand. 

The attic is dusty and full of cobwebs like all attics are, but Yunho pays no mind to it. He immediately goes to one of the boxes that are stacked around the attic, “Come on Mingi she must have put it in one of these boxes, if we both search through them, we can find it quicker.” 

Mingi sniffles, one of his billion allergies probably acting up and picks the box near him to open. 

Five minutes later Yunho screams in frustration again, “Damn that woman,” Yunho says as he flings away the box that had nothing but old clothes, “Where did she put it?” 

Mingi puts his box aside too which had nothing but some old vases. He gets up and gingerly takes down a box that has way too much dust on it, “I mean she said she would give it back if you do better on the next test, maybe we should study?” 

Yunho squints at him, “Don’t be ridiculous Mingi, it’s math.”

Mingi scoffs as he carries the box towards Yunho, “I mean we are going to high school next year, my mom’s been nagging me about getting serious about studying.” 

He sits down cross-legged beside Yunho as the other rips open a new box. 

For a while, he stares at Yunho as he rummages through the box and takes out long velvet curtains. Something in the back of Mingi’s mind nags him, and Mingi bites his lips in thought. 

His mouth feels dry as the question weighs heavily on his tongue, turning towards his box he quietly asks, “Have you thought about where you are going for high school?” 

Yunho scrunches his eyebrows as he searches through the box “What do you mean?” 

Mingi swallows down his sigh of frustration, unsure of how to elaborate. A few days ago he had overheard a conversation his mother had with Yunho’s, and from what he understood, Yunho’s mother was debating about whether she should put Yunho in private school. 

Mingi isn’t poor but he’s not as well off as Yunho is. Yunho’s father is a doctor and his mother is an accountant. Their house was the biggest in their neighbourhood, and almost everything in Yunho’s closet is name brands. For Yunho’s last birthday, his parents had rented out the entire bowling place and the birthday before that an entire theatre was rented out for the showing of ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’. 

His classmates constantly pestered Mingi about Yunho’s wealth, wondering if he’s jealous of Yunho’s designer brand shoes and his new phone. 

Mingi had found those questions to be ridiculous because Yunho being able to not bat an eye when spending a hundred dollars on a rare comic is just a part of him that Mingi got used to. It’s never been, ‘Yunho’s rich enough to do this’, it’s always been ‘this is just Yunho being Yunho’. 

Besides, it’s not like Yunho ever acts like he’s rich, he still sits in the middle of Mingi’s living room, eating ramen out of a pot, laughing while Mingi’s mother chided Mingi for leaving clothes all over the floor in his room. 

Regardless, why would he ever complain about having a rich best friend when he gets free lunch out of it? 

Mingi had never felt distanced from Yunho because of his wealth until he heard his mother telling Yunho’s mom that a private school would be better for him. 

It felt like his world had tilted. He was hit with the sudden realization that soon he won’t be able to fool around with Yunho at school, passing notes while the teacher’s not paying attention and playing games on Yunho’s game console during recess. 

Just imagining time without Yunho felt off. 

His mind spiralled and a scenario played in his head in which Yunho slams the door on his face while telling him he has new friends and doesn’t need Mingi. 

That thought is ridiculous because Yunho is the nicest person Mingi knows and he wouldn’t do that, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is way easier for Yunho to grow out of Mingi when he goes to a school full of rich snobs. 

“Mingi ah,” Yunho says, bringing Mingi back to reality, “Are you just going to stare at that box, or are you going to help me find my video game before mom comes back from work?” 

Mingi looks at Yunho, whose attention is back on the box in front of him, “You didn’t answer my question.” 

Yunho huffs, “Your question made no sense.” 

Mingi sighs and takes out the first thing that’s in the box, which is a cassette tape and puts it aside, “I overheard your mom telling my mom that you are going to private school.” 

“Ah that,” Yunho said leaning back, taking a break from looking through the box, “yeah my mom talked to me about applying to private school. I told her the only way that she’s getting me to go there is by dragging me there.”

Mingi jolts in surprise and looks at Yunho who's staring at him with a fond smile on his face, “Why not? It’s a good school, 80% of the kids there end up going to one of the top five universities.”

Yunho shrugs and his smile grows wider, “Yeah, but you won’t be there and it would be boring without you.” 

Mingi’s heart skips a beat, “So you’re going to the same school as me?” 

Yunho rolls his eyes, “Yes, you idiot. I am going to the same school as you. I thought that was obvious.” 

Suddenly the world straightens itself, and Mingi lets out a deep breath that he didn’t realize he’s holding. 

Yunho frowns, “Is that why you were angsting the past couple of days? You should have brought it up to me sooner.” 

Mingi pouts, as close as they were as they spent half their lives together, it’s hard to just bring up something like that. Mingi depended on Yunho so much that it sometimes scares the younger. He knows Yunho doesn’t mind because Yunho’s nice and he doesn’t care that Mingi clings unto him. 

But Mingi knows that straightforwardly telling Yunho that if the other left to go to a private school he would walk around with a huge hole in his heart would just sound _weird_. 

Mingi has attachment issues but he’s not an idiot.

“I was not angsting,” he says instead of expressing that whole inner monologue. 

“You were moping around so bad that your mom even asked me what’s wrong,” Yunho starts rummaging through the box again, “Now let’s find my video games so we can beat the new level.” 

Mingi sighs, feeling lighter than he had for the past couple of days, he had definitely been angsting. 

He reaches into the box again and pulls out a film camera that’s almost as small as his palm. He turns it over in his hands, inspecting it. With his recent interest in film photography, he had asked his mom to help him buy a film camera since he didn’t have much allowance to cover the whole cost. She gave him a strange look and told him to use his phone to take photos. 

Mingi pops the back and sees a film roll in it that isn’t even used. He tsked at the waste of a camera that was obviously new and unused just sitting in the attic. 

“You can have it, you know,” Yunho says, staring at Mingi who's looking at the camera as if it was gold in hands, “My parents don’t use this stuff anymore.” 

Mingi grins down at the camera, “Sick. Thanks.” 

Yunho smiles at him fondly before shifting his attention back to the box. 

Mingi points the camera at Yunho just as the other pulled out the video game he was looking for from the box. 

“Oh shit, I found it, yes!” He shouts as he looks at Mingi, waving the video game around as Mingi clicks the button of the camera. 

Mingi doesn’t get to develop the photo until way later. He spends a good three days begging his mom to use the storage room in their basement as a darkroom. He even gets on his knees at some point in his begging before his mother agrees. Another day is spent trying to find all the materials he needs and using all his allowance on it. Half a day goes by with him trying to figure out how to even develop a photo. 

When he finally gets it to develop, he cradles the photo in hand as if it’s his child. 

In the photo, Yunho is sitting on his knees, a cardboard box as big as him in front of him. He is staring at the camera with the biggest smile on his face and his eyes are wide with happiness. His hands and the video game in one of them blurred because he was waving them around too fast. 

Mingi runs his thumb across Yunho’s face and his heart thumps wildly with the sight of Yunho staring at him, at his camera, happily. He’s suddenly hit with how attractive Yunho is. 

Yunho has always been, easily, the most attractive person in the room. Ever since they were kids people would always stare at him. 

With how fair Yunho’s skin is, his huge eyes, height and the way his cheeks blush easily, people couldn’t help but look. Yunho would even randomly get scouted by different entertainment agencies but he always threw their business cards away somewhere in his room, without a care for it. 

But Yunho’s attractiveness has also made him seem unattainable. So though girls whisper about wanting to date him, no one ever had the guts to actually ask someone that good looking out. Thank god for that because Mingi wouldn’t know how to act if Yunho did go out on a date. 

Something about that thought bothers him and Mingi winces at it. He feels his skin crawl with the implications of it so he quickly places the photo on top of the picture of both of them at the park.

He carefully places the shoebox in the closet and makes sure to hide it in the corner of the top shelf where no one but him will look. As if that would keep whatever this feeling is away. 

* * *

**The third photo Mingi puts in the shoebox is a picture that Yunho took.**

Mingi spends the rest of the year taking pictures, but doesn’t put any of them in the shoebox. He either throws them out because he doesn’t think they look nice, or he puts them in an album that his mother had reluctantly bought him after realizing this new hobby isn’t going away soon. 

Yunho, noticing that Mingi barely leaves without his camera, teases him one day when they’re out for ice cream. 

“You know phones have cameras right?” 

Mingi rolls eyes, unable to explain how different it is when you take a picture on your phone and when you take a picture on a camera then develop it. Something about taking the picture and seeing it form hours later sends tingles down Mingi’s spine. It just feels right, like this is the way photos are supposed to be taken, it shouldn’t be instant, but something slow and something you need to wait for. 

But that’s too much to explain and Mingi really wants to get back to his ice cream, so instead, he says, “Don’t ruin my aesthetic.” 

Yunho scoffs and returns to stuffing his mouth full of ice cream, and never questions him about it again. 

Aside from Mingi’s new best friend, the camera, not much is different from middle school when they reach high school. It feels way more serious and Yunho had grown an inch past him, much to Mingi’s distaste, but everything else remains the same. 

Yunho and Mingi still hang out every day, they still fool around in class, and Mingi still clings unto Yunho like a lifeline. 

High school doesn’t seem that different until one-day Mingi trips over his own feet on his way to class, and Yunho who's standing next to him catches him before he hits the ground. 

Mingi is suddenly hyper-aware of Yunho’s arms around him and by instinct, he quickly shoves Yunho away. Yunho stares at him confused, but Mingi just laughs it off and pushes that feeling somewhere else to think about later. 

It’s not like Yunho and Mingi are foreign to skinship. With how touch starved Mingi constantly is and how accommodating Yunho is in their friendship, Mingi and Yunho, ever since they were kindergartners, were tangled around each other. Growing up sleeping over at each other’s house, Mingi would throw his arm and leg around Yunho while sleeping. When Yunho won a game Mingi would practically leap on the other and wrap his arms around him in a bear hug. When they watched horror movies (usually on Yunho’s insistence), Mingi would bury his head against the other’s chest during a gory scene while Yunho laughs at the reaction. 

After they hit ten the skinship decreased, mostly because of the strange looks people would throw at them when they hold hands or hug randomly, but it didn’t cease. When they were alone Mingi usually finds himself pressed up against the other in some form. But he hadn’t become hyper-aware of their touches until high school. 

Even a soft brush of their hands, or Yunho tapping his shoulder, sends shivers down Mingi’s spine and something about it makes Mingi feel _strange_. 

It never hits him what this feeling is until one day while talking to their classmates Yunho carelessly throws his arm around Mingi’s shoulder and Mingi feels his heart thump wildly at the action. He glances at Yunho who's so close to him, watching him as his lips grow wider as he continues talking. 

Mingi resists the urge to turn Yunho’s face towards him to tell him to only pay attention to him, and Mingi isn’t foreign to that selfish feeling but it’s the first time he feels it so strongly. 

He feels the reaction of self-disgust to that feeling fill him so fast that he finds himself shoving Yunho away and quickly excuses himself to the bathroom. As he runs away, the place where Yunho’s arm was, _burns_. 

He splashes some cold water to his face and stares at the battered expression on his face in the mirror.

As he stares at the red of his own cheeks and ears and hears the way his heart is too loud in his chest, it slowly dawns unto him what this feeling is. 

It becomes suddenly very apparent that he has a crush on his childhood best friend. 

Mingi isn't dense. He can’t deny something when it’s written all over his face. It’s almost comedic, how inevitable it is. No one could be around Yunho for years and not fall for him. Mingi laughs at himself, for how foolish he had been to ignore it for so long. 

With how often he notices how attractive Yunho is, and even marvels at it, his own feeling should have been obvious to him a long time ago. 

Mingi gently runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. He closes his eyes and counts his breaths to calm himself down. 

Now that he has realized his feelings he has to figure out what to do with it. Without question, he has to bury it somewhere deep in his heart to squash it so it disappears. 

_It’s just a stupid crush_ he tells himself _you’ll get over it._

He lies to himself. 

When Mingi walks back to the classroom Yunho throws him a concerned glance, but Mingi shakes his head at it. He joins the conversation their classmates were having like he just didn’t have a life-changing realization in the school’s washroom. 

Just before break ends Yunho pulls him away from the conversations, drags him to the corner of the classroom where nobody is there and stares at him worriedly, “You okay?” 

Mingi bites his lips, “Yeah.” 

“Don’t lie to me.” 

Mingi bites his lips harder. Yunho mostly is as dense as a rock but at times most inconvenient to Mingi, Yunho suddenly becomes receptive. 

“Let’s talk later,” Mingi replies quietly, “our classmates must be wondering why we’re talking all by ourselves in the corner.” 

Yunho pouts, “I don’t care about them, I care about you and right now you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

_I don’t care about them, I care about you._

Before today those words would have caused happiness to bubble within him, but now those words just hurt. 

Mingi has always liked being the center of attention in Yunho’s world, it didn’t matter if everyone ignored him as long as Yunho didn’t. 

He always felt a strange bubble of happiness when Yunho made time specifically for just him, away from their classmates. 

It’s selfish, childish and Mingi really should be less dependent on the other. Now that Mingi had realized the true extent of his feelings it also made him feel uncomfortable. 

Like that somehow a part of him thinks that Yunho choosing him over everyone else somehow equates to Yunho returning his feelings. 

Before Mingi could open his mouth to retort, a classmate of theirs calls out to him, “Hey Mingi stop hogging Yunho, let us have him too.” 

There’s a chorus of laughter and even Yunho grins slightly at that. 

Something inside of Mingi snaps and he hisses at Yunho, “You should mind your own fucking business.” 

Mingi barely hisses, much less swears at Yunho. Yunho just stares at him blankly, shocked by the sudden outburst so Mingi pushes him away and walks back to the seat.

Thankfully the bell rings for the end of the break, and the teacher walks in on cue. Mingi faces forward and doesn’t look behind him, where Yunho is sitting. But the whole time he feels eyes bore into his back. 

When the bell rings for the end of the school day, Mingi finally gets brave and glances back. He sees Yunho get up, sling his backpack across his back roughly, and practically stomp away, not waiting for Mingi like he usually does. Mingi sighs. 

Mingi’s petty when he’s angry but Yunho is as much, if not even more petty than him. Though they rarely fight, when they do, it usually lasts for weeks of both of them avoiding each other. Unlike previous fights though, Mingi knows he’s in the wrong from the get-go. 

Mingi picks his bag up and runs after Yunho, and is only able to catch up to him when they’re outside. 

“Yunho, wait up,” he calls out to the other. 

Mingi sees Yunho’s head shake, “Thought you wanted me to mind my own fucking business,” Yunho says back to the other bitterly without looking back at him. Mingi winces at his own words being thrown back at him. 

Mingi reaches out and grabs Yunho’s backpack to pull him back so Yunho’s facing him, “I’m sorry,” he quickly says before his pride catches up to him. 

Yunho purses his lips, “Well that was quick.” 

Mingi runs his fingers through his hair, his emotions are completely spent at this point and suddenly he feels incredibly tired, “Look I just… I shouldn’t have burst at you like that… today has been just…” Mingi trails off, unable to continue, he can’t exactly say ‘ _I’m a mess because I have just realized I have this fat crush on my childhood best friend aka you_ ’. 

Yunho tilts his head in thought and Mingi can just tell that Yunho is debating on pestering him about what’s wrong. 

Thankfully, Yunho must have decided that the fight that would bring was not worth it because he just shrugs and with a coy glance retort, “I’m still mad at you. What are you going to do to make it up to me?”

Mingi snorts, Yunho never asks this question without having something in mind, “Just tell me what you want.”

Yunho extends his hand forward, palm up, “Your camera.” 

Mingi raises eyebrows. From the day he got it till now, the only person that touched that camera was Mingi. Once Mingi’s mother almost lifted it off a table when she was cleaning the living room, and Mingi nearly had a heart attack. Mingi has always been particular about the stuff he owns and had never been a fan of sharing. 

But he easily takes out the camera from his bag and gives it to Yunho. Yunho has always been an exception. Giving Yunho something as precious as his camera is easy because Mingi trusts him. 

Yunho takes the camera gently and inspects it. 

Then so quickly that Mingi doesn’t even have time to react, Yunho points the camera at him and clicks the button. 

Mingi blinks in surprise. 

Yunho hands the camera back and grins, “You better develop that.” 

Mingi stares at the camera in his hands blankly for a few seconds before shaking his head, a smile growing on his face, “Like I’ll waste time developing a picture that someone with 0 photography skill took.” 

Yunho pouts and wags a finger at him, “That's the least you can do for yelling at me today.” 

Mingi shakes his head and puts his camera back in his backpack, “I said I’m sorry,” he whines. 

Yunho leans over and ruffles his hair, and it’s almost comedic how quickly Mingi’s heart skips at that action. 

“Let’s go out to eat, this time your treat,” Yunho says as he slings his arm across the other’s shoulder. 

Mingi feels unusually warm but he doesn’t shake him away. Instead, he leans in and gives in to the feeling of his blood rushing to his face and his heart thumping wildly as Yunho looks at him, babbling about how he’s excited for the release of a new version of his favourite video game. 

The whole time Mingi thinks, _this isn't too bad. If I keep this feeling to myself, it won’t completely ruin my life._

Later that evening Mingi develops the photograph and it doesn’t turn out too bad. The camera was slightly out of focus, so Mingi, whose slightly off-center, is blurred. Typically a blurred photo would end up in the trash, but Mingi keeps this one. 

Mingi tells himself he keeps the picture in the shoebox because it’s the first picture that Yunho took. But deep down he knows that the reason he put the photo in the shoebox is that though he’s frowning, his eyes in the photo while looking at Yunho is bright and he wonders if that’s how he looks at Yunho all the time, it’s a wonder no one has noticed.

He puts it in the shoebox and puts a bunch of wrapping paper on top of it before he shoves it back into the depths of his closet. 


	2. Photo # 4 & 5

**The fourth photo in the shoebox is one taken in their second year of high school.**

Second-year of high school comes around and Mingi thinks that at this point he should be nominated for an Oscar. 

Second-year of high school comes around and Mingi has this whole 'crush on Yunho' situation completely under control. Who says having a crush on your best friend is tough, definitely not Mingi. 

Second-year of high school comes around and Yunho takes up an interest in dancing. Though it had seemed to come out of nowhere to others, Mingi felt that it was a natural progression. Yunho in the past year had been incredibly invested in watching dance practise videos, so when Yunho loudly proclaimed while they were lounging around Mingi’s living room that he was going to join the dance team, Mingi had just nodded and said, “Make sure you don’t break your leg before the audition.” 

At the response, Yunho furrows his eyebrows in confusion, “You’re auditioning with me.” 

Mingi, who was flipping through his photo album, looks up at Yunho, alarmed, “No way. You know I hate that type of stuff.” 

Yunho moves closer to Mingi, “It will be fun,” he whines. 

Mingi shakes his head again, his head hurting with just the thought of moving his long limbs uncontrollably in front of many people. 

“There is no way I am auditioning for that.” 

Yunho throws his arms around the other dramatically, “But if you don’t join the dance team, we won’t have much time to spend together. Dance club meets for two hours every day, and that’s when they don’t have any competitions coming up!” 

Mingi frowns, hit with the realization that if Yunho joins the dance club Mingi would hardly see the other. The dance club at their school was demanding, as it should be as their school had won multiple district-wide dance competitions in previous years. 

A part of Mingi wants to tell Yunho to not join it then. But he knows that it’s selfish to do so, and Mingi’s goal for this year is to become less selfish, especially when it concerns Yunho. 

He knows how bad Yunho wants this. He saw Yunho’s eyes practically dazzle with happiness when he saw the poster for the dance audition on their school walls earlier that day. 

So Mingi leans towards Yunho and gently bumps his head against the other’s, “I’ll make time for you,” Mingi says simply. 

“Oh ho ho,” Yunho says leaning back, a sly smile on his face, “That's so romantic of you Song Mingi.” 

Mingi freezes and it feels as if someone had just struck him. 

“W-what a-are y-you even talking about,” he stutters, “how was that romantic?” 

Yunho laughs and pinches Mingi’s cheek, “Mingi, your future girlfriend is going to die from how cute you are.” 

And typically, when Yunho mentions how cute Mingi is acting, Mingi would reply with an awfully cringy and out there cute gesture. 

But this time he’s too distracted by Yunho’s words. 

The phrase _your future girlfriend_ echoes in his head. 

Mingi suddenly feels uneasy and he has no idea why. So he shrugs it off and asks, “Have you thought about what song you are going to audition with?” 

Yunho nods frantically and gets up, “So I was thinking TVXQ…” 

The rest of the day is spent with Yunho practicing choreography while Mingi watches with a dumb smile on his face. 

The day of the audition comes by sooner than either of them had imagined and Yunho is practically vibrating the day of. 

“Yunho you need to relax,” Mingi whispers towards the other as they sit on the chairs outside the classroom where auditions are held. 

Yunho shakes his head as he rubs his own thighs, “What if I screw up, what if I forget the moves, what if I-” 

Mingi lays his hand on the other’s thigh to stop it from shaking, “You won’t,” he says strongly, “I believe in you.” 

Yunho stares at Mingi and they’re staring at each other for way too long for it to seem anything platonic. Mingi wants to break eye contact, but he _can’t_. 

“Jung Yunho,” a voice calls. 

Yunho looks away at the person who called his name and gets up. Mingi suddenly feels extremely dizzy. It dawns unto to him that the whole time he had been holding his breath. 

“You’ll wait for me, right?” Yunho asks him. 

Mingi looks up at Yunho whose half in the classroom and half in the hallway, looking at Mingi with a nervous smile. 

Mingi grins shakily, and waves his phone, “Yeah, I’ll just play some games,” he manages to respond, “good luck.” 

When the door closes Mingi stares at his phone and sees that the hand he’s holding it with is shaking. 

_What the fuck What the fuck What the fuck What the fuck What the fuck What the fuck_

Mingi tries to play candy crush on his phone but the whole time he’s distracted. 

_Yunho can’t tell, can he? He’s too dense for that, no way._

Yunho comes out after what feels like an eternity later with a shy smile on his face. 

“How did it go?” Mingi asks, but he doesn't have to, Yunho’s face says it all. 

“Not bad,” Yunho replies. 

Mingi grins, his previous worries falling away. 

Yunho makes the team. 

It’s the first competition and Mingi will be damned if he’s late and misses his best friend’s performance. 

“Mom, can you drive faster?” 

His mother glares at him through the rearview mirror, “Do you think this car can fly?” 

“I should have gone with Yunho’s family,” Mingi pouts in the backseat. 

“And miss your math class, not on my watch,” his mother retorts, swerving too hard to the right. 

Mingi huffs but knows not to irritate his mother further. In nervousness, he plays around with his camera. He badly wants to take pictures of the scenery outside just to calm himself down but he has to save all the film for Yunho’s performance. 

He doesn't know why he’s nervous. It’s not like he’s performing. But it’s Yunho’s first performance and he knows how hard Yunho has worked for it, so Mingi would give anything for it to go well. 

They make it to the venue just in time for Yunho’s performance, and Mingi manages to find an empty chair at the front but huffs when he sees a jacket on it. Discreetly, he pushes the jacket off and sits down, the person next to him gives him a dirty look but before she can say anything the performance starts. 

Mingi has seen the choreography a million times; Yunho has performed it in front of him plenty, has shown him videos of it, and Yunho even slightly dances to it while he’s eating. 

But seeing it on a stage, with lights illuminating him, and the cheers in the background was different. 

For the first minute, Mingi is too entranced by the way Yunho moves along the stage that he forgets to even take the pictures.

He is struck with how beautiful Yunho is, and it’s not like he hadn’t realized it before but Yunho on stage is something else. 

Yunho seems so sure of himself with every single step, and he stares at the audience with such confidence that it sends shivers down Mingi’s spine. There’s also this cocky smile on his face, the same smile Yunho has when he’s playing a game and knows that he’s going to win. The outfit Yunho is wearing fits him so well, it’s ridiculous. He’s just wearing ripped jeans, paired with a tee and leather jacket, but with his hair ruffled and that cocky smile, Yunho looks like he walked out of a magazine. 

Mingi feels pride swell up inside him when he hears the girls behind him whisper, 

“Is that the new second year? He’s so good. He’s like an idol.” 

It takes all of Mingi’s self-control to not turn back and be like ‘ _yeah that’s my best friend_ ’. 

Yunho spots him in the audience and throws him a smirk, the girls behind him shriek. 

The words ‘ _that was for me, not you_ ’ is at the tip of his tongue, but Mingi restrains himself again. 

Instead, he brings his camera towards his eyes, finally remembering that it’s there, and doesn’t stop clicking until the performance ends. His fingers hurt with how hard he was gripping the camera during the performance. 

Before Yunho exits the stage, he looks down at Mingi and nods, Mingi grins back. 

The girls behind him shriek again, and this time Mingi couldn’t help himself. The energy remnant from the performance must have caught him because he turns around and brags, “That’s my best friend.” 

He doesn’t hear what the girls say, because as soon as he says that he gets up and runs backstage, eager to see Yunho. 

“Hey, you can’t be here,” an upperclassman tries to stop him on his way there, but Mingi easily ignores them. 

Yunho’s there, standing in between two older students who are patting his back. But the moment Mingi comes within his sight, Yunho’s attention shifts. Yunho breaks into a huge grin and Mingi pounces at him. 

“YOU WERE AMAZING!” He screams at the top of his lungs. 

Yunho easily catches him and wraps his arms around him, laughing. 

Mingi laughs harder, and though Yunho is sweaty and Mingi’s heart beating way too fast with how Yunho’s arm grows tighter around him, Mingi can’t stop laughing too. 

Mingi pulls a bunch of all-nighters to develop the photos. When it develops, he picks out the pictures to send to Yunho’s family carefully and runs across a photo that makes his ears flush. In the photo Yunho is at the center of the stage with his head thrown back, a smirk playing on his lips, one of his hands is covering his eyes and another was splayed across his chest as if he was in the midst of running his hand down his upper body. 

The performance itself wasn’t anything too sexy, but something about this photo is so sensual that Mingi feels ashamed looking at it but he couldn’t stop. Warmth coils at the bottom of his stomach, and involuntarily he runs his thumb down Yunho’s body. 

But when he realizes what he’s doing he stops and it feels so wrong that he has the urge to throw up. 

He puts the photos that he’s going to send to Yunho’s family to the side and then takes that photo and shoves it into the shoebox in the closet. 

He rubs his face tiredly and decides he’s going to need a very long cold shower.

* * *

**The fifth photo in the shoebox is one of the worst photos that Mingi has ever taken.**

Mingi has never felt so much empathy for a snail before as he stares at the snail across from him which is slowly trudging on the pavement. As the snail struggles to its destination, Mingi really feels for it. 

Mingi is leaning against the brick wall of their high school, waiting for Yunho to come back to him. He deliberately is facing away from the school courtyard, so he doesn’t have to watch what is going on. His heart aches with just the thought of it. 

It really took until their third year of high school for a girl to get brave enough to confess to Yunho. And not only is it just any girl but the most popular girl in school. The amount of times males in their grade had talked about her is enough to warrant a sort of celebrity status in their school. But not only is she incredibly pretty, but she’s smart _and_ she’s nice. 

God really does have favourites. 

Unable to resist the temptation, Mingi sneakily looks around the corner and sees Yunho’s back, with the girl looking up at him, a huge smile on her face. 

Mingi quickly looks away. They look incredibly good together, and from what Mingi knows about the girl, they seem to suit each other personality-wise. 

A perfect couple. 

Mingi rubs his eyes tiredly and that thought drags him from sadness to irritation. Why does he always have to go through such angst? 

He glances at the snail which had barely moved a centimetre. 

“Why should I care if he dates someone?” He asks the snail, clearly losing his mind.

“He can date whoever he wants,” he continues to converse with the snail, “I don’t care. I’m his best friend, I'm supposed to tease him when he gets a girlfriend.” 

Mingi brings his knees to his chest, “Yeah,” he says his voice growing softer, “that’s what I’ll do. When he comes back, I’ll say, ‘finally you got a girlfriend, took you long enough’. Yeah…” 

He trails off and watches the snail pause in its track. He stares at it as it stays still. 

“Hey, you good?” He asks after a while. 

The snail starts moving again. 

Mingi sighs, “You’re right, I’m going to sound so fake. Yunho’s not that dense. He’s going to be able to tell that I am upset... But I can just say it’s because with him getting a girlfriend we have even less time together.”

The snail continues to make way. 

“I mean,” Mingi continues, “We have hung out like twice in the past month and both times he had to leave early to practise. Like I get he’s one of the centers in the team now, and the dance team is also entering way more competitions, but I...I miss my best friend.” 

Not only does he miss Yunho, but this past month he’s been trying to tell Yunho something incredibly important and it has to be through a face-to-face conversation, but they have never had time to properly start a conversation. 

Mingi brings his knees to his chest, “And today we were supposed to go hang out at the internet cafe since the dance team finally gave him a day off, and I was really excited.” 

Mingi puts his forehead on his knees, and his voice grows soft, “But then she comes and tells Yunho that she has something to tell him, and now here I am, waiting for him.” 

Mingi looks up and sees that the snail has stopped moving. 

Mingi sighs, “I know. I know. I shouldn’t be so dependent on one person.” 

The snail continues back to sludging to wherever it is planning to go. 

He rests his head against the brick wall and takes a deep breath. He feels so fucking dramatic. But at least this time he wasn’t throwing a fit. He remembers last week when Yunho had cancelled their plans (again) due to some last-minute dance practise he had gone home in a sour mood. 

His mother just asked him how his day was and he went on a full rant about how he barely sees Yunho anymore and how he’s so bored without the other

His mother patiently listened and by the end of it looked at her son softly and asked, “Mingi, you have other friends, right? Just hang out with them.” 

Mingi had been practically struck by the advice. He tilted his head in thought because though he was friendly with a lot of his classmates, he wasn’t close enough to any of them to consider them friends. 

Though he does occasionally hang out with them, it’s usually _with_ Yunho. These days he does hang out with them without Yunho but he usually leaves halfway through. It just doesn’t feel the same. 

Mingi sighed, “It’s boring without him. I would rather be alone.” 

His mother had pursed her lips in deep thought for a minute and said, “You and Yunho have been practically inseparable since you were children. But as you grow things change Mingi. You can’t depend on him forever.” 

Now he stares at the sky, his mother’s voice echoing in his head. 

“I can’t depend on him forever,” he mumbles to the sky, “A life without Yunho, I wonder what that would be like.” 

He looks down at the snail who had stopped in its tracks again and it looks like it’s facing him. 

He smiles to himself sadly, “Yeah that would suck.” 

Mingi reaches over to his backpack next to him and takes out his camera. He traces its ridges in thought. 

“It would be a good thing I guess... if he dates her. Maybe I’ll finally get over him.” 

He laughs at himself sadly as he could perfectly picture himself still pining over Yunho even after he’s got a girlfriend. He has never felt so pathetic in his entire life. 

The snail continues to stay perfectly still. 

Mingi frowns and brings the camera to his eyes, and directs it at the snail. At that moment he sees a motion at the side of the frame and there’s a loud, 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” 

Startled, Mingi presses the button. He moves the camera away from his face and blinks at Yunho who is leaning towards him with his face a few centimetres away from his, tilted sideways. 

Mingi could hear his heart hammering in his chest. 

But instead of panicking he calmly asks, “Yunho, what the fuck?” 

“Eh, I thought you would have been more startled than that. Usually, you would scream back,” Yunho says, frowning as he straightened himself. 

Mingi usually would have, but today his emotions are already off the charts for that type of behaviour. 

Mingi places the camera back in his bag, slings it across his back, and gets up, “So what happened?” he asks calmly, though he was everything but. 

Yunho shakes his head with a soft smile, “Nothing important. Wanna get some food and chill at the park today instead, don’t feel like playing games.” 

Mingi frowns. Yunho? Not feeling like playing video games?

“Wait, did you accept her confession?” Mingi asks back. 

Yunho scrunches his eyebrows, “How did you know she asked me out?” 

Mingi rolls his eyes, “Dude it’s obvious.” 

Yunho looks down and kicks a pebble by his feet, “I rejected her.” 

Mingi pouts. It doesn’t make sense. They make a perfect couple. 

He must have said the last part out loud because Yunho looks up in confusion with a frown and asks, “What does that even mean? Perfect couple?” 

Mingi shrugs and runs his fingers through his hair, “She’s super popular, so are you. She’s nice, and so are you. She’s pretty, you’re handsome.” 

Yunho breaks into a wide grin, “You think I’m handsome.” 

Mingi snorts, “Don’t act all surprised. Everyone thinks you're handsome.” 

Mingi notices that Yunho’s ears have turned particularly red and he tries not to laugh. It’s like magic how quick it gets red when Yunho gets compliments thrown at him. 

Yunho shakes his head, his wide grin growing soft, “I mean you're right she’s pretty, nice and smart. She’s perfect.” 

Mingi tries very hard to keep his face neutral even though it feels like somebody is stabbing his chest. 

“But,” Yunho continues, the smile completely off his face, a pout replacing it, “I don’t like her, like that. It felt unfair to lead her on, so I rejected her.” 

“Oh,” Mingi says, unable to express himself further, and hates that the ache in his chest had dulled. 

Yunho pout grows deeper, “And I feel so bad because she started crying. And I have no idea what to do with crying girls so I just patted her back awkwardly and said that I have to go.” 

Mingi’s stares at Yunho in shock, “Yunho what the hell, you can’t just do _that_!” 

He looks around the corner to where the girl and Yunho were standing before and finds that the girl is gone. Mingi shakes his head as he looks back at Yunho. 

“Yunho, that is peak asshole behaviour.” 

Yunho runs his fingers through his hair tiredly, “Yeah I know, but I panicked. My body just went into flight mode.” 

Yunho had such a conflicted expression on his face, and the situation is just so utterly ridiculous that Mingi couldn’t help himself from giggling at his friend’s idiotic behaviour.

“Mingi it’s not funny. I feel so baaadddd,” Yunhi whines through Mingi’s giggles. 

“I know, I know,” Mingi says as his giggles die down, “But that’s such a you thing to do, why are you so dumb?” 

Yunho frowns, “You know just for that comment I’m making you buy me three corndogs.” 

Mingi rolls his eyes, knowing perfectly well, in the end, it will be Yunho who would be buying him food, like always. 

Yunho pulls on his sleeves, “So let’s go. I’m starvingggg.” 

“Yes, yes, making a girl cry probably took a lot of energy.” 

“Mingi!” 

Mingi grins and looks back to where the snail was and sees that it’s still struggling to make way. 

“I wonder where it’s going?” he mumbles. 

Yunho follows his glance, “The snail? Probably to the carrot piece over there.” Yunho points to a thrown away carrot slice a meter away. 

Mingi has no idea how he missed that. Before he could do anything, Yunho moves forwards, gently picks up the snail and places it next to the carrot. 

“There you go little guy,” he says to the snail. 

Mingi feels his heart flutter at the gesture, Yunho is never going to make it easy for him, is he?

Yunho looks at him with a grin, “Ready to go?” 

Mingi swallows, and grins back weakly, his heart stuttering in his chest. 

They end up on the swing sets, Yunho on one with two corndogs, one in each hand, and Mingi on another swing with one corndog drenched with so much ketchup that it should be illegal. 

Mingi watches Yunho as he alternates biting between his two corndogs. 

“Do you have a stomach or a black hole?” he comments at that sight. 

Yunho sulks, “Rude,” he points at Mingi with one of his corndogs, “Dancing takes up a lot of energy okay and I have been practicing so much for weeks, I deserve this.” 

Mingi looks away and huffs, “Yeah it’s all you’ve been doing.” 

Yunho swings to the side towards Mingi so that he could gently nudge the other’s foot before he swings back, “I’m sorry.” 

The tone is so genuine and gentle that Mingi looks back at the other again who is staring at him softly. 

Mingi shrugs, “I actually had way more fun without you,” he teases and Yunho barks in laughter. 

But then his laughter dies down as quickly as it came and Yunho stares back at Mingi while biting his lips, hesitating. 

Mingi takes a bite of his corndog, and leans against the swing’s chain, “What’s up?” He asks, not taking his eyes off of Yunho. 

Yunho looks down and kicks the sand by his feet, “Have you thought about it? About what you are going to do and where you’re going to for university?” 

For a second Mingi doesn’t answer because he’s struck by the familiarity of the scene, an echo of the time when Yunho and he were scrummaging through the boxes in Yunho’s attic where Mingi asked a similar question. 

People had told him that high school would change them, and it did, but here they were, still the same to each other. 

Mingi smiles softly, “Economics or some Business major. Maybe minor in literature or photography. Don’t really know the university though. You?” 

Yunho digs his foot into the sand, his eyes remaining on the ground, “Maybe major in dance somewhere and build a dance studio in the future.” 

Mingi’s mouth spreads into a wide grin, “Yunho that’s amazing! You would be perfect for it!” 

Hearing the genuine excitement in the other’s tone, Yunho looks up and smiles sadly, “Yeah,” he says, “Hopefully my parents look at it the same way.” 

And he sounds so dejected that Mingi feels like punching something. 

This time he swings his swing to the side to nudge Yunho’s foot that was half in the sand, “You’re going to live your future, not your parents.” 

Yunho’s smile turns more genuine, “Wise words from Master Song Mingi.” 

Mingi snorts, “I mean obviously I’m the smarter and wiser one.” 

Yunho takes a big bite from one of his corndogs and chews on it in thought, “You know,” he says after swallowing, “whatever it is I end up doing I just wanna go to the same university as you.” 

Mingi blinks at the other, not quite surprised because he feels the same way, but taken back by how brazen Yunho can be. How easily Yunho could say something like that. 

“ _Well_ ,” his brain supplies “ _he doesn’t have the added paranoia of thinking ‘am I saying this cause I’m your best friend or because I have a crush on you’_.” 

Mingi mentally tells himself to shut up and grins at Yunho, “Yeah me too, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily.”

Yunho nods in affirmation, takes the final bite on one of his corndogs and tosses the stick into the plastic bag by his leg, “So, what’s up with you?” 

“What do you mean what’s up with me?” 

“You told me you wanted to tell me something important.” 

Mingi blinks in surprise. He said it once a month ago in passing right after Yunho had told him he had to cancel their plans together. He barely remembers saying it himself. 

Mingi looks down at the sand, and Yunho patiently waits. 

“So,” Mingi starts his heart in his throat, “this is something I have been thinking about for the past year ish, or maybe more. And you’re my best friend and you deserve to know this, cause it’s… important… I guess.” 

Mingi swallows, unsure how to proceed. It’s not like he’s afraid of telling Yunho about it. 

Telling him that he’s gay. 

Will Yunho scorn him away? Absolutely fucking not. Anyone who knows Yunho knows that. But a part of himself wants to hide it because that truth is so close to his true feelings for the other that it makes him throw up just thinking about talking about it to him. 

But it wasn’t fair to keep it from Yunho. It isn’t Yunho’s fault that Mingi feels that way towards him. Also, Yunho would definitely feel hurt in the future if he knew that Mingi had hidden something as huge as his sexuality away from him. 

Mingi’s feelings for Yunho may go away, but this, this was more permanent. Yunho deserves to know this part of him. 

Mingi takes in a huge breath, looks at the other and says, “I like guys.” 

Immediately Yunho beams at him, “Duuuddeeeee,” 

“Duuudddeeeee,” Mingi weakly imitates back. 

Yunho’s grin grows softer and reaches over to pat the other’s back, “Thanks for telling me.” 

Mingi shrugs and simply says, “You’re my best friend.” 

“So as your best friend,” Yunho starts, his mouth lifting into a smirk, “you don’t mind me asking, who was the person behind your sexual awakening?” 

Mingi winces at the question because obviously the answer to that is Yunho. But he can’t tell _him_ that. 

Yunho’s smirk falls from his face as he notices the other’s hesitance, “You don’t need to tell me, I was just teasing.” 

Mingi shakes his head quickly, “No it was,” he bites his lips in thought for a few seconds, “Nam Joo Hyuk.” 

Which isn’t a complete lie. 

“Ahhh yes he is one good looking man,” Yunho nods, “So am I the only person who knows?”

Mingi nods as he takes a bite from his corndog, “So far. I might tell mom before we leave for university.” 

Yunho nods, “I’m glad Mingi.”

Mingi’s mouth quirks into a smile, “Glad that I’m telling my mom that I’m gay?” 

“Glad that you're not hiding that part of yourself,” Yunho reiterates, smiling at him fondly. 

“Don’t really see a reason to hide it,” he replies, taking another bite. 

Yunho hums in acknowledgement. 

“ _No,_ ” Mingi’s brain adds, “ _you are just hiding that huge fat crush you have on him_.” 

Mingi tells his brain to shut up again. 

As Yunho finishes his second corndog he eyes Mingi’s, “Are you going to finish that?"

Mingi glares at him, “Come near my corndog and you’ll wish for death.” 

12 years of friendship still doesn’t stand a chance against food. 

Mingi developed the picture he took of that snail, curious to see how it turned out. The snail is barely visible as the camera instead focused on the blur to the side, which was an image of half of Yunho’s grinning face, blurred because of the movement. Mingi looks at the photo fondly, and though it is literally the worst photo he has ever taken (nothing was even remotely clear in that picture), he keeps it. He puts it in the shoebox. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the number of comma splices i had in this is unbelievable  
> anyways leave some comments kudos and maayybbeee follow me on twitter @starlightstars_  
> thank you for reading!!!


	3. Photo #6

**The sixth photo he puts in the shoebox is one he almost crumpled up and thrown away.**

Mingi should have never listened to Yunho. 

_It will be fun Mingi._

_You’ll meet so many people there Mingi._

_You’ll be fine, I’ll be there with you Mingi._

Mingi scoffs as he takes a huge gulp of whatever alcohol drink that’s in his red cup. He immediately regrets it and resists the urge to throw the whole contents of his drink unto the floor. 

A month into university, Yunho had managed to drag him to a party. He doesn’t even know who's holding it, the entirety of the room is a blur of unknown faces. 

Yunho promised, he promised, that he would stick by him. But nope. Instead, Yunho is crowded around their university's dance team, which he joined the first month he came to university. Not a surprise move from a dance major. A dance team in which he is already popular. He’s too distracted by the attention he’s receiving to pay attention to Mingi who's stranded among all the other drunk people on the other side of the room. 

The music is also way too loud that Mingi is sure he’s going to suffer from some hearing loss at the end of all this. He would have rather stayed back at their dorm, though Yunho would have been gone all night, he would have found some way to entertain himself.

He plays around with the strap of his shoulder bag which holds his camera. He probably looks extremely silly, coming to a party with a bag, but feeling his camera near him gives him comfort. It’s hard for him to leave the house without it. 

His phone pings and he takes it out of his pocket and looks at the text he just got. 

**_Where are you?? there’s so many people here, wtf????_ **

Mingi grins immediately, his mood lifts. 

San. 

Arguably the only close friend he has made so far in university. Just like how Yunho immediately joined the dance club at their university, Mingi joined the film photography club. The film photography club wasn’t as popular as the dance one, and the only person who regularly comes and uses the darkroom as often as Mingi does is San. 

He remembers when he first met San he had asked the other, “Why do you do film photography?” 

“Why not,” the other had answered immediately, “I think the photos look much prettier when you have to watch it come together.” 

And just like that, they clicked. It also helped that both of them were in Economics and they ended up sharing a lot of classes together. 

Mingi had texted the address for the party to San the moment he saw Yunho being hurdled by the dance team and it was evident that Mingi was going to spend the rest of the night by himself. 

With just the words: _save me_

And just like that San’s here in fifteen minutes.

Mingi looks around himself and distastefully notices a guy and girl making out aggressively by the pool table.

 _Near the het couple who looks like they’re about to have sex on the pool table,_ Mingi texts back. 

Within seconds San is by his side, tapping his shoulder. Mingi turns towards him and finds the other staring at him with a full-blown eye smile. 

“Hello there Mingi it looks like you’re having a great time,” the other teases him. 

Mingi eyes him warily even though he’s extremely glad to see him here, “How did you have time to wear eyeliner and get dressed like you’re going clubbing, your dorm is fifteen minutes away and I texted you fifteen minutes ago.” 

San always manages to look put together. While Mingi goes to class looking like a hobo (huge hoodie, sweatpants and unbrushed hair), San always comes to class looking like an image from a catalogue. Mingi could start to see some of the girls and guys in the party eyeing San, after all he did look extremely good in leather pants and the velvet turtleneck he’s in. He’s even managed to accessorize with a silver necklace and one dangling earring, and Mingi swears he sees a bit of dark eyeshadow with the eyeliner. 

San smiles cheekily at the other and slings his arm across the other’s shoulder, “A man never shares his secrets.” 

Mingi leans into the other’s embrace. In another world, he might have been attracted to San. San is obviously a good looking guy. He is actually one of the few people Mingi knows who exercises for _fun_ so he’s fit and his shoulder to waist ratio is mind-bogglingly hot. In another world, maybe. In this one, he’s glad to be San’s friend because San, despite his teasing, is one of the best people Mingi knows. 

He listens to Mingi’s rants about their hard classes, engages in Mingi’s philosophical ramblings in the ungodly hours of the night over the phone, and is just _there_ when he needs him. 

It’s nice to depend on someone other than Yunho. 

“Why are you even here?” San asks him as he feels Mingi melt against his short frame. 

Mingi sighs and replies, “Yunho.”

Though San and Yunho had never met before they knew _of_ each other. Yunho is insistent to meet San, but with Yunho’s hectic schedule with dance practice, Mingi barely has time to see him much less San. 

San, at first, knew Yunho as Mingi’s childhood best friend who he was roommates with, but one day in the midst of their midnight talks after San had told him of the cute boy he met on his floor named Wooyoung, Mingi had told him of his long-standing crush on his best friend. 

It was nice to have someone else know. 

San frowns, “Where is he?” 

Mingi points across the room with his cup at Yunho who's currently talking excitedly to a girl who's practically clinging on his arm. 

San’s frown deepens, “Why did he invite you if he wasn’t going to hang out with you?” 

Mingi shakes his head and leans away from the other to take a sip of his drink even though he hates it because obviously he is masochistic, “He just gets carried away with people sometimes.” 

San turns towards the other and pouts, “What are you drinking?” 

Mingi shrugs, “I have no idea.” 

San takes the cup away from him and places it on the table near them, “Well that’s enough of that then.” 

Mingi rolls his eyes but he can’t help a small smile grow at the gesture, he’s always liked being taken care of. 

Suddenly San looks behind him and curses. 

“Fuck, fuck, why is here? What the fuck?” 

Mingi turns around quickly and sees Wooyoung by the doorway, a group of people naturally gravitating around him. 

Mingi’s grin turns teasing as he faces San again, “He’s a frat boy. All they do is party. Obviously he’s here.” 

San glares at him, then covers his face with his hand and groans. 

Mingi removes San’s arm which was around his shoulder, holds that hand and squeezes it, “Go talk to him.” 

San removes his other hand from his face, “No fucking way.” 

“This is fate San.” 

“You and your fate bullshit.” 

“There has to be a reason why you two are in one place.” 

“Yes the reason being he’s a frat boy and I’m a good friend to a person who obviously doesn’t deserve it.” 

Mingi laughs, “Maybe it’s time you had a proper conversation with that guy, and you kinda look hot today.” 

San smiles weakly and squeezes the other’s hand, “I look hot everyday Mingi,” and then he sighs, “What are you going to do?” 

Mingi grins back at him widely, “Watch you make a fool of yourself.” 

San rolls his eyes and looks behind Mingi, his eyes softening, certainly due to watching Wooyoung doing whatever he does that makes San’s emotions turn to goo.

Mingi tugs him, “Go,” he urges. 

San leans over and gently pinches the other’s cheeks, “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.” 

Mingi scrunches his nose, “Me? Stupid? Never.” 

San laughs, squeezing his shoulders he walks away towards Wooyoung. Mingi prays that everything would go well for his friend and that dumbass would finally make a move on the other. He grins as he sees San whisper something to Wooyoung and gently tug the other away from all the people surrounding him. 

With his friend gone Mingi shifts his attention back to the party. Almost everyone around him is annoyingly drunk. 

Mingi huffs and reaches into his shoulder bag and pulls out his camera. This whole party is an absolute mess but Mingi finds it somehow poetic how the height of most students’ week boils down to getting wasted somewhere with anyone. 

He brings the camera to his eyes and scans the room for a subject. 

His camera catches the subject to his affection. 

Yunho. 

There were people surrounding him, all of them looking at him and talking to him. Even though he’s wearing a simple white t-shirt and ripped jeans, he stood out. Not because of his height, or his looks, but because Yunho had always radiated this type of energy that pulls people in. 

Right now everyone is focused on Yunho but Yunho isn’t looking at any of them. 

Instead, Yunho is looking at Mingi. Staring straight at his camera. 

Mingi feels a lump form in his throat as he weakly presses the button of his camera. He slowly moves the camera away from his face and Yunho is still staring at him. 

Slightly shaking at the other’s unwavering attention towards him Mingi mouths, “What’s up?” 

Yunho takes a step towards him and opens his mouth as if he wanted to mouth something but gets interrupted when a girl tugs him towards her and whispers something in his ear. 

Their faces are so close to each other that Mingi fears what he is going to see next. So he abruptly turns around, stuffs his camera back into his bag and walks away. 

He ends up in the kitchen surrounded by even more people, half of them high, the other half intoxicated. His eyes burn with the image of Yunho with that girl, and he hates himself for being possessive, for grasping onto something that isn't even there. He hates that he’s still not over his dumb crush on Yunho. 

Mingi sees an unopened bottle on the kitchen table and for a second he hears San telling him to not do anything stupid. He ignores it, opens the bottle and chugs it all down. 

For such a tall guy Mingi is incredibly lightweight. Which is why a single bottle had caused him to stagger all over the place like he lost control of his limbs. Just as he is almost about to trip over his own feet someone catches him. 

“Woah there dude, you good.” 

Mingi grins back dumbly at this guy who caught him. He’s so drunk and the world is such a blur that he can’t even tell how this guy looks. Just another typical face of a dude. 

“Hello,” he manages to say giggling softly, “you’re hot,” he continues though he can’t really tell if the other is or not, but his drunk brain hadn’t caught up to that. 

“Oh really,” the guy says with a hint of amusement in his voice. 

One thing leads to another and Mingi finds himself being pushed onto a wall with someone ferociously attacking his lips with their own. A part of Mingi rises to fight it, but that quickly gets pushed back down by the alcohol in his system. 

He leans back and just lets it happen. 

Suddenly the weight crushing him to the wall and the lips biting his disappears. Mingi blinks in confusion. 

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?” A voice screeches. 

_San_. 

The dude making out with him a few seconds ago scoffs, “What are you? His boyfriend or something?” 

San huffs and glares at the guy, ready to throw a punch, “So what if I am? You better not lay your hands on him again asshole!” 

San grabs Mingi who is leaning against the wall dazedly watching the whole exchange in drunken confusion. 

“Come on,” San says as he lets Mingi lean unto him, “you’re too drunk, let’s go outside.” 

“What just happened?” Mingi mumbles. 

San snorts, “You were being stupid.” 

Mingi chuckles and shakes his head, “I’m not stupid,” he retorts as San wraps his arm around the other’s waist. 

He looks away from San and sees Yunho staring at him in shock, eyes wide and face pale. 

Suddenly Mingi is extremely sober. 

_I’m so stupid._

The cold air outside wakes Mingi up more and all the alcohol seems to have disappeared from his system. 

Actually- 

“San I think I’m going to throw up.” 

Mingi retches behind some bushes, and that’s when the alcohol truly is gone from his system. San sighs and runs back into the house to get a water bottle. When he comes back he sits by the curb, watching Mingi empty his stomach contents in the front yard in disappointment. 

San shakes his head at him when Mingi reappears by his side while staggering slightly in weakness. 

“I told you not to do anything stupid,” he says as Mingi sits down on the curb next to him. 

Mingi groans and puts his head in his hands, his head throbbing and his throat dry. 

“Water,” San nudges the water bottle at him, but Mingi doesn’t look up. 

San sighs, “Okay it’s not bad. People do worse stuff at parties when they’re drunk, at least I got to you before you did something you would really regret.” 

Mingi doesn’t reply so San continues, “I mean I know first kisses are a big deal for you, you romantic. But this drunken thing doesn’t count.” 

Mingi still doesn’t reply back. 

“Mingi, look up at me please.” 

San sounds so distressed that Mingi forces himself to look up at the other. 

San leans forwards, his forehead scrunched up in worry, he gently rubs his thumb across the other’s cheek, “Say the word and I will go beat the crap out of that guy.” 

Mingi shakes his head, “I fucked up San,” and Mingi’s voice sounds so shaken up and tearful that San freezes, “Yunho saw the whole thing.” 

San mouth sets into a thin line, “He saw the whole thing and he didn’t stop it?” the other asks, voice hard. 

Mingi sighs, “I don’t know if he was there from the start but he was there when you carried me off. So I’m sure he saw a bit of it. He looked…he looked…” 

The wide eyes, the shocked expression...could only mean one thing given the context. 

Mingi feels like throwing up all over again. 

San places his hands on the other’s cheeks gently, “You made out with a guy while you were drunk Mingi. You did nothing wrong. If anything that guy should get the crap beaten out of him for taking advantage of you while you were intoxicated.” 

Mingi sniffles, close to tears, he takes in a deep breath and whispers, “Yunho looked at me like he was disgusted.” 

San purses his lips, “I’m sure that’s not true. And if it is, I don’t care that he’s your childhood friend and that you are in love with him, I will fight him.”

Mingi chokes back his tears, “I’m not in love with him,” he retorts weakly. 

“Oh Mingi,” San whispers sadly. 

“Mingi,” a familiar voice calls out to him. They both look up and find Yunho staring at them like he just saw a ghost. 

San’s eyes grow hard and his hands fall away from his face, “Can we help you?” 

Mingi looks away, avoiding Yunho’s glance. 

“I’m Mingi’s friend,” he hears Yunho say, “and his roommate, Yunho.” 

“I’m San, and I’m taking Mingi home,” San replies rigidly. 

“Oh yeah, San. Mingi has told me about you. But don’t worry about it. I live with him. I can take him home.” 

Mingi tenses and San, being as perspective as he is, notices. 

“Really don’t worry about it,” San replies, “I can take him home safe. You can go back to the party.” 

“No really-” 

“I can do it. It’s not that big of a deal for me. I came to the party for him.” 

“Oh but-” 

“Besides you seem to be really enjoying yourself with other people at the party, wouldn’t want you to miss out on all the fun.” 

There’s silence and Mingi finally looks up to find the both of them staring each other down. 

San gets pretty worked up over everything but he’s never seen Yunho that annoyed at someone before. The strangeness of the whole situation makes him speak up. He just wants to go home. He needs to get away from Yunho so he could bury his feelings like he usually does so he could face Yunho the next day as his best friend and nothing more. 

“It’s okay Yunho,” he says shakily, staring down at the grass, “San can take me home.” 

“Mingi?” Yunho asks softly, confused at the rejection. 

Mingi doesn’t answer. 

“Okay we’re gonna go home,” San declares. He tugs Mingi up. 

As Mingi stands, facing anywhere but Yunho’s direction, he hears footsteps walk away from him. 

He cries on the way home and San holds him the whole way. Rubbing his back in comfort. 

Eyes blurry with tears and head throbbing, Mingi finds himself being gently pushed onto his bed. San pulls a blanket over him and places the water bottle next to his bed while he gently runs his fingers through Mingi’s hair, “If you get thirsty overnight there’s water. Sleep this off okay?” 

Mingi hums in tiredness, “Stay,” he manages to choke out. 

“Of course,” San instantly replies and Mingi could hear the soft smile in his voice. 

Mingi feels the bed dip on the other side and an arm and leg are thrown across his body as San cuddles up to him. 

With San’s warmth, sleep comes to him easily. 

Mingi wakes up with a headache with San not by his side and hears quiet murmurings from the kitchen. Groggily he staggers to the kitchen, rubbing his eyes he mumbles, “San ah you’re still here.” 

He freezes when he finds Yunho and San standing by the kitchen counter having a pleasant conversation. A contrast from last night. 

San turns towards him and grins, “You’re finally awake, thought you would sleep till tomorrow. Made you some hangover soup.” 

San gestures towards the oven, and sure enough, a pot was on standby, being warmed. 

“Thanks,” Mingi mumbles, pointedly avoiding making eye contact with Yunho. 

As he grabs a bowl he feels somebody tap his shoulder, and there’s a soft “Mingi ah.” 

Mingi sighs. He lives in the same house as Yunho, how long was he planning to avoid him anyway?

Mingi hums in acknowledgement and freezes when he feels Yunho gives him a soft back hug. 

“How are you feeling?” The other asks into his back. 

“Like shit,” Mingi retorts, voice raspy. 

Yunho lets go of him and smacks his head. 

“Ow!” Mingi screeches, turning around to the other in annoyance, “What was that for?” 

“For being a dumb drunk,” Yunho replies, smirking. 

San, who was watching the whole exchange, bursts out in laughter. 

And just like that, everything feels settled and Mingi feels the tension leave his shoulders. He knows that a conversation about last night needs to happen, but everything is normal and in place for now. 

“Go Yunho, smack that dumbhead!” San exclaims. 

Mingi rolls his eyes and fetches his spoon, “Wouldn’t have invited you to our place if I knew you would be on his side,” he mumbles as he pours a generous amount of soup into his bowl. 

San giggles and pats Mingi’s cheeks softly as the other takes a seat by the table, “I have to go. It’s my day to clean the washroom at my place. See ya.” 

As the door shuts behind San, Yunho clears his throat and takes a seat across the table from Mingi. Mingi stuffs his mouth full of soup. 

“So about last night,” Yunho starts and Mingi scrunches his nose, he didn’t think this conversation was going to happen this soon. 

“I’m sorry, I should have been with you,” Yunho continues, “That guy…” he trails off and there’s this distressed look on Yunho’s face and Mingi feels the soup he gulped down threatening to come back up. 

Yes, theoretically, Yunho knows he’s gay but knowing he’s gay and seeing him making out with another guy are two different things. In hindsight, it shouldn’t matter, but why else would Yunho react the way that he did? 

“I should have beat him up,” Yunho finishes and Mingi blinks at the other in surprise. 

Of course. Of course, Yunho looked at the scene in shocked _anger_. 

Shame builds up inside him for even thinking that Yunho would feel disgusted at him. Mingi sighs, and decides to blame that thinking on drunken stupidity. 

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it Yunho,” he says softly. 

Yunho smiles at him but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “Yeah, good thing that San was there.” 

Mingi hummed in agreement and continues drinking the soup, too tired to notice the tightness around Yunho’s smile. 

“He’s a good guy,” Yunho continues, “Last night I was being weird. But don’t worry I apologized!”

Mingi’s eyebrows furrows, “You didn’t need to-” 

“He’s good to you. I’m glad you're happy,” Yunho says too excitedly, cutting him off. 

Mingi’s forehead wrinkles further, he feels like he’s missing a part of the conversation. If he wasn’t so hungover, maybe he would have questioned Yunho about it but his throbbing and tired head told him that as long as Yunho’s cool with him, everything’s good. 

Yunho’s phone pings and he quickly excuses himself to go to dance practice. Mingi finishes the soup, drags himself back to bed and literally doesn’t wake up until the next day. 

Equipment and supplies for developing films are all given to students of the film photography club, free of charge. Well technically, it comes from their tuition so Mingi decides to use it to the fullest. Which is why he develops every picture he takes. Though it’s time-consuming, it’s also a form of relaxation. 

The picture from the party is no exception. When it develops, Mingi takes it from the darkroom and to the clubroom outside to stare at it. 

Nobody in the photo is looking at the camera except for Yunho. His eyes looked straight at the lens, at Mingi. 

In a way it was an _artistic_ photo. Yunho is standing in the middle of a huge crowd of young adults all carrying bright red cups and holding expressions of obvious intoxication. The people near Yunho are staring at him, mouths open in the middle of a conversation but he’s paying them no heed. Mingi is sure if he gives this photo to his visual arts professor, the old man would have spewed some nonsense about society and young adults’ need for instant pleasure. 

But Mingi couldn’t stop thinking about Yunho staring right at him, in the midst of all these people. Just at him. 

Mingi closes his eyes as everything begins to hurt. He resists the urge to crumple the photo in his hands. 

“That’s a nice picture,” a voice over his shoulder comments. 

Mingi opens his eyes and puts his photo down on the table near him, “I thought you were working on your assignment.” 

San takes a seat on the table and before Mingi could protest, picks up the picture for a closer look, “I got bored… Hey is that Yunho in the picture?” 

Mingi resists the urge to take the photo out of San’s hands, “Yeah.” 

San purses his lips in thought for a few seconds as he stares at the photo before he puts it back on the table. 

“You know,” San retorts, “Despite first impressions, he’s not a bad guy. He was very nice when I was making you breakfast the other day.” 

Mingi smiles softly, “Yunho is a nice guy. You just caught him at a bad moment that night.” 

“Hmm,” San hums with a smirk, “I can see why you’re in love with him.” 

The smile falls off of Mingi’s face, “I’m not. It’s just a small dumb crush.” 

San frowns, “It’s been years Mingi. Are you still going to deny yourself the true extent of your feelings?” 

Mingi’s hands balls into fists. Leave it to San to tell it how it is. 

“It will go away.” 

San shakes his head, and there’s pity in his eyes, “I don’t think so.” 

San glances at the photo on the table, “It doesn’t need to go away, have you ever thought of tellin-” 

“No,” Mingi interrupts firmly, his hands trembling at just the thought of telling Yunho how he feels. 

San feels a fight brewing, and he’s not in the mood to argue with Mingi so he leaves it. San tells himself that he would bring it up another time when Mingi isn't three seconds away from punching him. 

“So forgot to tell you but I got Wooyoung’s number at the party,” San says while grinning mischievously, changing the subject. 

Mingi uncurls his hands, distracted by the new information he grins, “No way.” 

As Mingi leaves the clubroom later that day, he doesn’t rip the photo out and throw it. Before leaving, San had given him a look and said, “That’s a nice photo Mingi, I can tell you want to throw it out. Don’t.” 

Though he barely listens to San's advice, he listens this time because in the end despite the feelings involved in it, it was a nice photo. 

He brought the shoebox when he was moving out from home and it found a new spot under his bed because there was no closet at his dorms, just drawers and a pathetic rack. 

He takes one last look at the photo before he places it in the shoebox. With the picture imprinted in his mind, he flops on his bed and groans. 

The worst thing about being Yunho’s best friend while having feelings for him is that there are moments where Yunho gives him hope. That maybe, maybe, his feelings are reciprocated. That feeling of hope is worse than what he feels for Yunho. Because at least _that_ feeling, despite the amount of trouble it may bring, doesn’t make him feel foolish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this chapter!! let me know what you think!!


	4. Photo #7

**The seventh photo that Mingi has in his shoebox is his favourite photo.**

A week after the party Mingi realizes that Yunho is acting _off._

It struck him when he was walking to the kitchen while talking on the phone with San. As he listens to San rant about a professor who graded him unfairly he notices Yunho in the living playing a video game. Which is as normal as it gets for either of them on a Saturday afternoon, but the problem was Yunho wasn’t exactly _playing_ the game. His character on the screen is getting absolutely plummeted and his avatar is still. As the 'game over' sign flashes on screen Mingi expects the other to groan in frustration as he usually does when he loses a game, except there is just silence.

With concern, Mingi walks over and sees that Yunho is just staring at the screen in an absolute daze. 

Mingi opens his mouth to say something but on the other end of the phone San interrupts, exclaiming, “The prof replied to my email!” 

Distracted Mingi resumes talking to San and attributes Yunho’s strange behaviour to performance stress. Surely he’s just nervous about a routine he’s working on. He’ll talk to Yunho about it later. 

But he doesn’t get time to talk to Yunho because their faculty decides that it’s the perfect time to dump a load of assignments just before the midterm season and when Mingi isn't at the library trying to finish assignments, he’s at home stressing about all the work he needs to do as Yunho watches him freak out while throwing a few words of comfort at him. 

He basically forgets about it until an older student approaches him after class one day. 

“Hey, are you Mingi?” 

Mingi furrows his eyebrows, trying to recall who this person is, “Yeah.” 

“We haven’t met before, I’m Kim Hongjoong. I’m in the same dance team as Yunho.” 

Mingi relaxes, he vaguely recognizes the name from earlier this year when Yunho was excitedly telling him about his team members. But what would the dance team’s leader want with him? 

“Oh yeah okay. Hi!” 

Hongjoong smiles, “I’m just wondering if you know what’s up with Yunho. He’s been distracted in dance practise recently and he’s basically one of our best so it’s concerning. With you being his roommate and best friend I was hoping you could talk with him?” 

Mingi smiles, his mind racing, ”Yeah of course.” 

“Thanks,” the older man says and pats his shoulder before he leaves. 

Mingi takes out his phone and frowns. Something must be really wrong if Yunho is screwing up at dance. 

He calls Yunho’s phone and sighs when it goes straight to voicemail. 

Putting that to the corner of his brain to deal with later, he jets to the library to finish an assignment due midnight. As he’s proofreading it he gets a text from Yunho. 

**_Sorry I missed your call, what’s up?_ **

Mingi picks up his phone and hastily types out: _Is everything alright?_

There are a few minutes of no reply and Mingi itches to call the other. 

**_Yeah._ **A reply comes after way too long. 

Mingi’s fingers hover over his keyboard, his mind trying to figure out how to bring a proper answer out of Yunho without sounding like he’s pestering him about it. 

But before he could type anything out, Yunho sends another text. 

**_I think I’m demisexual_ **

Mingi grins widely and types. 

_Woohoo!!_ Paired with too many thumbs-up signs. 

_Call me?_

There’s more silence on the other end and then: 

**_Can’t practise starting soon_ **

_Okay, see you at home!_

Mingi puts his phone down with a dumb smile on his face. _This_ is what Yunho has been distracted with. 

It’s not until later when he had finally gone to bed after waiting for Yunho to come home for hours that Mingi realizes that Yunho must have figured out his sexuality because he likes someone. 

As he lies down in bed he pulls up the text that Yunho sent him a few minutes before. 

**_Not coming home until later tonight_ **

**_don’t wait for me :)_ **

Mingi runs his thumb across his phone screen and sighs. His chest feels like it's burning. 

_He’s probably with that person right now._

He lies flat on his stomach and screams into his pillow. 

The next morning he expects to see Yunho at breakfast and is disappointed to find no one in Yunho’s room. Mingi frowns. Either he went to school way earlier than usual or he didn’t come home at all. The former is not likely because Yunho can’t physically wake up before 9 am and would spend an hour lazing around the house before leaving for anything. It is common knowledge that making plans with Yunho before 10 am is basically impossible. 

But no matter how busy dance practise gets, Yunho always comes home. Even if it’s at the break of dawn. Mingi stares dazedly at the countertop of his kitchen counter as he fries his egg. His mind creates scenarios which would cause Yunho to not come home. Some of them downright ridiculous, others scandalous. 

_What if he’s in danger?_

_Okay just call him._

_But what if he’s with someone?_

_Like with, with someone?_

He snaps out of it when he hears the fire alarm go off. He stares down at his egg which has sadly begun to resemble charcoal. 

Once he gets the fire alarm to stop shrieking and throws the abomination of an egg, he opens the fridge for another egg to only realize he’s taken the last one. 

_Great. This day has just been great._

Grabbing one of the granola bars on the counter he physically slaps himself to get out of whatever mood he is in. He has four midterms next week and he has no time for whatever this is. 

He will collect his emotions and talk to Yunho later. When midterms are done. 

Munching the granola bar he jogs to the library, his mind sifting through all the different chapters he has to study for in order to stay on top of all of his courses and pass with a decent grade. 

As he enters the library, his intense mind scheduling of all he needs to do flies out of his brain when he sees Yunho sitting by one of the tables incredibly close to another student. Any closer they would be sitting in each other’s laps. Both of them talking to each other in hushed whispers. 

Instantaneously, Mingi feels pain blossom across his chest. Mingi ignores it. Their conversation seems intimate so Mingi has half the mind to just walk away to the other corner of the library and pretend that he hasn’t seen Yunho. But before he really registers it himself he feels his feet move towards the table. 

_Great so guess I’m going to sit with them._

He places his bag down on the table and sits across the two who look up at him in surprise. 

Mingi smiles good-naturedly and his mouth is quicker than his brain so obviously the first thing he says is, “You weren’t home today.” 

Though Mingi hopes it sounded curious and slightly worried, it comes out to be more frantic and accusatory.

The student next to Yunho laughs and it’s then that Mingi notices that, wow, this guy is incredibly good looking. The student stands up and squeezes Yunho’s shoulder before he walks away. 

_Maybe that’s Yunho’s person..._

Demisexuals from what Mingi knows only feel sexual attraction to people that they create emotional connections with. _Does Yunho know this guy that well? How long has he known him? Why haven’t I met him before if he’s so important? Who is he?_

He gets snapped out of his thoughts when Yunho says, “That’s Park Seonghwa, he’s one of the seniors in my dance team.” 

Mingi startles because it’s almost like Yunho read his mind, which is ridiculous because Yunho can’t even read a room sometimes. 

A smile flickers on Yunho’s face as he sees Mingi’s tense expression, “I didn’t come home last night cause dance practise ran late.” 

Mingi bites his lip, physically stopping himself from letting out a whine of, “But you always come home”. 

_Don’t be selfish Mingi. Not about him. You promised yourself to not be selfish about him. He’s not yours to be selfish about._

“Were you worried?” Yunho asks in Mingi’s silence, his ears slightly tinged red. 

Mingi shrugs and takes the books out of his bag, “I almost burned the kitchen today.” 

Yunho snorts, “You can’t live a day without me huh?” 

Mingi looks him dead in the eyes, and spills out a soft, “Yeah.” 

The tinge of red on Yunho’s ears reaches Yunho’s cheeks. Before Mingi could think too much about it, he hears a loud whisper of his name. 

He turns towards the sound to see San walking over to their table. He grins widely and waves him over. He turns back to Yunho who pouts at him. 

Mingi raises his eyebrows at the expression, but that face is gone as fast as it came so he is sure he imagined it. 

“Can you believe,” San whispers as he takes a seat next to him, “that Professor Lee has the audacity to make our midterm in essay format?” He looks over to Yunho and waves with a bright expression, “Hey Yunho!” 

“Hey San,” Yunho replies with an equally bright smile. 

San notices the granola bar wrapper that Mingi had flung on the table when he sat down, “Did you just eat a chocolate granola bar for breakfast?” 

With the way he asked that one would have thought Mingi had just insulted his mother. 

Mingi rolls his eyes, "I burned my breakfast this morning, okay? I tried my best.” 

San scoffs and leans over to pinch his cheeks, “Gosh you're such a baby,” 

Before Mingi could retaliate there’s a loud screech and he looks over to see that Yunho had abruptly sat up from his chair, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. 

Seeing the startled expression in both Mingi’s and San’s face, Yunho just smiles sheepishly, “I just realized I forgot to do something.” 

He then grabs his backpack and practically runs out of the place. 

Mingi looks back at San, puzzled, “Wonder what that’s about?” 

San just pats Mingi’s shoulder, “You two are so dense, you are so perfect for each other.” 

Mingi narrows his eyes, “What are you on about?” 

San just sighs dramatically, “Like I said, absolutely dense. Have you ever thought about Yunho returning your feelings?” 

“Ooookkaaayyyy,” Mingi says opening up his notebooks, “I think studying has officially fried your brains.” 

San frowns, placing his palm in the middle of Mingi’s notebooks so Mingi could look up from his notes to him, “I’m serious.” 

Mingi looks up and in a grave tone whispers, “I am too. Drop it.” 

San’s frown turns into a pout, “Fine let’s _study_ then.” His voice acting as if the word study held some type of poison in itself. 

Mingi huffs and stares at his notebooks, resisting the urge to start eating his papers in the hopes that it would help memorize the contents. 

The next week blurs with studying, gulping down outrageous amounts of coffee, crying, and then more studying. He doesn’t see Yunho for the entire week but he doesn’t - couldn’t think about that because he’s running on a half an hour nap and caffeine. When he’s done his last exam he goes straight home and plops on his bed. He doesn’t wake up until the next morning and it’s only because his stomach grumbles and begs for something other than the caffeine he’s been feeding it the past couple of days. 

As he stumbles to the kitchen rubbing his stomach he calls out, “Jung Yunho, did you make anything?” 

Mingi frowns when there’s only silence that replies. He checks Yunho’s room and finds that the bed doesn’t even look like it was slept in. 

Taking out his phone he texts Yunho: 

_You didn’t come home last night?_

**_I’m staying over at someone’s place this week._ **

An unsettling feeling clouds over Mingi as he reads the text. Stayed over at someone’s place? Why would he need to stay over at someone’s place? 

_????_

**_Dance_ **

Mingi plops down on their living room couch cradling his phone in hands, staring at the text in scrutiny, his hunger forgotten. Dance? There's no way there’s that many dance practises held during midterm season. He ruffles his hair in annoyance, just when he’s done with midterms something else needs to come along and stress him out. 

He calls San in a hurry. 

When San picks up with the second ring, Mingi retorts, “I think Yunho is ignoring me.” 

San snorts, “Hello to you too. I’m doing fine thanks for asking.” 

Mingi groans and lies down on the couch, facing the ceiling, “I’m serious San. He’s not coming home because of dance, but it’s midterm season? How many dance practises can they have? He usually comes home anyway, no matter how late practice is. He has to be ignoring me but whyyyyyy?” 

“Here’s a brilliant idea, why don’t you ask him what’s up?” 

“I don’t wanna sound annooyyyiinnggggg.” 

“Well, you are annooyyiinnnggggg.” 

“Sannnnnnnn.” 

San sighs, “Well maybe he just needs some space. You have spent your entire lives together, if I saw your face every day I would ignore you at some point too.” 

Mingi has half the mind to just hang up on San because the last thing he needs right now is snarky responses. But he stops himself, because _why_ is San acting up anyway? 

“Okay, what’s up with you? We just finished midterms today, why are you bitchy?” 

“Nothing.” 

Mingi patiently waits. 

“Okay, there is something.” 

_There we go._

San sniffs, “Wooyoung just ghosted me.” 

“And why do you think that?” 

“Because I sent him a photo of my cat and he hasn’t replied yet but I can see that he read it.” 

“Maybe he doesn’t like cats?” 

“Who doesn’t like cats Mingi?” 

Mingi opens his mouth to respond but gets cut off by San, “Don’t reply to that. I don’t want to break our friendship.” 

“Okay, maybe he just forgot to reply to you.” 

“Or maybe he just hates me.” 

Mingi could practically hear San pouting on the other end, “Maybe you’re thinking too much?” 

“Of course I’m thinking too much,” San snaps back, “That’s why we are friends because we are both overdramatic queens.” 

Mingi frowns, “I feel like this conversation is steering back to me and Yunho.” 

“Yes, you idiot because anyone who can see can tell how much that man cares about you. But you are such an idiot about it! Tell him how you feel, you dumbass!”

“Stop telling me what to do! Why don’t you tell Wooyoung how you feel instead of sending him cat pics?!” 

“Ugh I hate you!” 

Mingi’s met with dull beeps as San had promptly hung up on him with that last word. He flings his phone away from him and it lands pathetically by the tv. His heart is thumping fast in his chest and he has a primal urge to just punch something. His ears ringing with San’s voice. 

_Tell him how you feel._

_Tell him how you feel._

Mingi stomps his feet in frustration. _Stupid San and his stupid words._ He stares at his phone on the ground by the television which seems to be mocking him. He knows an apology should be in the works but his stomach grumbles in protest. He might as well fill his stomach first before he yells at San again in the name of an apology due to hungry rage. 

He quickly pours himself some cereal (honey nut cheerios because he’s not a monster like Yunho who eats _fruit loops_ ) and munches on it while staring dazedly at the wall. 

His mind circulates between the argument with San and the possibility of Yunho ignoring him. San and he are catty enough to have arguments as petty as the one they just had but they hug it out within seconds of it happening. Having an argument over the phone where Mingi can’t actually tell if San’s mad _mad_ , makes him feel uncomfortable. And Yunho. With the years that Mingi had known the other, there has never been a single time in which Yunho had purposefully avoided him, their codependency towards each other never allowed for something like that. 

Mingi gulps down the milk left in his cereal. 

_I guess that means we’re not dependent on each other anymore._

Mingi rubs his eyes tiredly, he feels like their friendship is falling apart and he has no idea why and how to deal with it. Not being friends with Yunho has never been an actual possibility. 

He slaps the back of his neck to snap him out of the depressing episode he seems to be edging towards. San is right, he is dramatic. With his stomach filled, the full guilt of what he said to San settles over him. He feels like an absolute asshole. “ _Why don’t you tell Wooyoung how you feel instead of sending cat pics?” What the fuck was that even for?_

He huffs and walks over to his cellphone lying pathetically on the floor. He winces when he notices a crack on the screen as he picks up the phone. 

He unlocks his phone to find a series of messages from San. 

**_I’m sorry Mingi_ **

**_I didn’t mean to push you about it._ **

**_Miinnnggiiiiiiiiiii_ **

**_Don’t ignore meeeeeee_ **

**_Minnnggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii_ **

Mingi huffs in laughter. He sits down cross-legged on the floor and types out: 

_I’m sorry too._

_I think your cat pictures are very cute._

A reply comes in only a few seconds later. 

**_Too late for an apology, I’m annoyed that you were ignoring me before. :(_ **

Mingi also gets a selfie of San staring at the camera with a pout. His hood over his head with a bare face that looks absolutely adorable so Mingi saves the pic, for blackmailing purposes of course. 

_I was hangry so I was eating some cereal._

**_Honey nut cheerios?_ **

_Of course, only the best for me_

**_Everyone knows the best is cinnamon toast crunch you psycho_ **

_Have fun with diabetes!_

**_I said it was the best, not the best for you_ **

**_Anyways we good_ **

_Duh_

**_Good cause I have ceramics class after this and I won’t be able to concentrate with you being upset at me_ **

_Have fun making pots you loser :)_

**_I’ll have you know ceramics is a very cool hobby_ **

_Yeah yeah ttyl_

Mingi puts his phone in his pocket and grabs his laptop from his room. He drags his blanket with him to the couch with his laptop on the other hand and decides this is the perfect time to switch his brain off and watch The Notebook while laying down on the couch. He can sit down and properly think through this new Yunho issue after he’s seen two hours of Ryan Gosling. He deserves at least that with the hell of a week he had. 

He’s almost done the movie when he hears the door of his apartment being unlocked. Mingi pauses the movie and freezes. He’s not in the mood to get robbed right now. 

His shoulders get tenser when he realizes that it’s Yunho that walks in through the door. It takes him a second to realize it’s Yunho because he’s wearing a black hoodie with his hood up and is practically tip-toeing inside like a burglar. _That_ annoys Mingi. Why is he acting like he’s sneaking into his own dorm? 

“Thought you were going to stay at someone else’s place this week,” Mingi calls out to the other. 

_Good job Mingi you don’t sound mad at all._

Yunho stops in his tracks and turns around to where Mingi is sitting, his face betraying how startled he is from seeing Mingi there. But he quickly fixes that expression with a sheepish smile. 

Mingi narrows his eyes, “Why do you look like you’re sneaking in?” 

Yunho takes off his hoodie and ruffles up his own hair, “I thought you might be sleeping.” 

Mingi raises an eyebrow. 

_This is definitely feeding into my theory of him avoiding me._

“Thought you were going to stay at someone else’s place this week,” Mingi repeats, his voice sharp and brittle. 

Yunho leans against the wall of their living room entrance and shrugs, “I missed you,” he retorts, his voice unexplainably soft. 

Just like that Mingi’s annoyance dissipates into thin air. 

“You finished all your midterms?” Yunho asks, walking towards him. 

Mingi bends his knees from his laying position on the couch so Yunho can sit down on the couch with him, “Yeah. You still got dance practise?” 

Yunho sits down, “Yeah we have got a practical exam tomorrow, and the routine is annoyingly complicated so I was staying over at a classmate’s place.”

Mingi feels like taking his laptop and smacking it over his head. Of course, Yunho, a dance major, has exams related to dance that have nothing to do with his participation in the dance club. Being mad at Yunho for staying over at a friend's place is equivalent to Yunho being mad at Mingi for being in the library studying with San. 

“I’m a fool,” Mingi says out loud, too irritated by his own stupidity to keep that thought in his mind. 

Yunho stares at him in puzzlement, “Why the sudden realization?” 

Mingi shakes his head, “Doesn’t matter. Wanna watch the ending of The Notebook with me?” 

Yunho’s face scrunches up in disgust, “There is no way I am watching that movie, let’s watch Lights Out.” 

Mingi reaches over and punches Yunho’s shoulder, “Stop trying to make me watch Lights Out!” 

Yunho reaches over and starts tickling Mingi’s hips, which is _unfair_ because he knows that Mingi is sensitive in that area. 

“I think you need to _lighten_ up!” he exclaims climbing over Mingi, subsequently knocking over his laptop. Mingi has no chance to react to his too expensive laptop being practically thrown to the floor because he’s writhing in laughter. As Yunho straddles his waist to minimize the possibility of Mingi twisting in laughter off the couch, his hands move upward to Mingi’s ribs and then down to his waist and then back up, his fingers moving faster to truly torture Mingi with tickles. 

Mingi’s laughter echoes across the room as he gets attacked and tries but fails to stop Yunho’s hands. Soon Yunho’s soft giggles join his howls. 

“What,” Mingi huffs between laughter, “have you got against romance movies?” 

Yunho stops tickling him, his hands resting on Mingi’s waist, his breath as shallow as Mingi’s as if they had run a marathon after all tickling is a sport. 

His smile falls from his face, and with a voice so uncharacteristically serious he answers, “Nothing. I have got nothing against romance.” 

With that, the air around them changes. The light atmosphere of two friends engaging in a very intense tickle battle is lost to something _different_. Mingi squirms in Yunho’s hold, suddenly very aware of how close Yunho and he were. Yunho is staring at him so intensely that it makes Mingi want to look away, but like many times before, he can never look away from Yunho. 

“Mingi,” Yunho starts, and suddenly Mingi is very scared of what Yunho is going to say. But he doesn't get to hear the rest of the sentence because at that moment the phone in his pocket rings. 

For a few seconds they both stare at each other blankly, the tense atmosphere not breaking despite a ringing phone breaking whatever moment they were having before. 

Yunho breaks the silence, “I should probably get off you, huh?” 

Mingi gulps, “Yeah.” 

Yunho gets off of him and settles on the floor. Mingi takes the phone out of his pocket and sits up on the couch. 

_San?_

He picks up the call, “Hey?” 

Sniffles respond. 

“San? What happened?” 

“Can you come to my dorm right now?” San says, his voice raspy and breaking like he’s been crying. 

Mingi immediately stands up as he’s been electrocuted, “Yeah, of course, San what happened?” 

San lets out a weak sob, “I think Wooyoung is dating someone.”

“Fuck,” Mingi says grabbing his jacket from the rack near him, “I’ll be there in five.” 

San lets out a soft whine, “I love you Mingi.” 

Mingi smiles softly, “I love you too San.” 

He hangs up, puts his jacket on and turns around to Yunho, “Yunho I’m going to-” 

But he pauses because Yunho is looking at him like Mingi just _stabbed_ him. But the look passes over quickly and Yunho instead blinks rapidly and looks away, as if something fell into his eyes. 

“Yeah of course,” Yunho says, his voice strangely quiet, looking over at everywhere but Mingi, “Go to San.” 

Mingi grabs his shoes and puts them on, “Don’t wait up for me. I’ll stay over at San’s tonight.” 

As he locks the door behind him, he pauses, because something just feels wrong. It’s the same feeling he felt in high school when Yunho twisted his ankle at dance practise and 5 km away Mingi, who had been watching a movie at the time, felt a strange feeling of dread fall over him at the exact same time (Mingi knows cause he asked Yunho and they had both confirmed the matching time and concluded that there has to be some telepathy thing going on between them). 

But Yunho’s not hurt. San is. So Mingi shrugs it off and supposes he just has this strange telepathic connection with all his close friends. 

Wooyoung is in fact not dating someone. But it isn’t San’s fault for misinterpreting the situation because Wooyoung had posted a photo of him holding hands with someone else only to post a few hours later that it was a joke and a dare from his friends. Mingi had all sorts of words for Wooyoung but he holds it in because this is the guy that his friend has a crush on. 

San feels bad about it though because Mingi had bought him an armful of chocolate and ice cream, but Mingi doesn’t care too much because though the situation may have been fake, the emotional turmoil that San went through was not. Mingi may be considering punching the guy in his pretty face. 

The next time Mingi sees Yunho, Yunho asks him if everything is good with San. Mingi was going to tell him about the whole Wooyoung situation but stops himself because San’s crush on Wooyoung is kind of a secret that Yunho's not privy to. 

So he just smiles at Yunho brightly and says, “Better than ever.” 

Yunho pats him on his shoulder and smiles at him strangely, his smile not quite reaching his eyes, before leaving for class. Mingi wonders if Yunho can tell that Mingi is hiding the truth, but figures if Yunho could actually tell when he’s hiding something he would have been in trouble a long time ago. 

_Bless Yunho and his ignorance._

_School must be really stressing him out lately though for him to fake a smile at me of all people._

The day goes to a much more interesting turn when San at the end of their microeconomics class proudly declares that he’s going to confess to Wooyoung. Mingi feels himself being filled with pride. 

He pats San's shoulder, “He would be an idiot to reject you.”

San smiles at him sweetly, “Mingi...I’m gonna go now.” 

Then he jets out of the classroom. Mingi blinks in surprise at how fast that man can move if he really puts his mind to it. 

“Good luck!” he calls out to San’s receding back, “Text me what happens!” 

He shakes his head fondly as he slings his bag across his back. He feels proud of his friend. Confessing your feelings to someone is not easy, but it also helps that San is basically a catch. As he walks back to his dorm, he feels the clutch of envy overcome him despite how hard he tries to shake it away. He’s happy for San, he really is, but he can’t deny that he’s jealous of the other’s bravery. He feels like he’s lagging behind. Granted, it is easy for San to confess to Wooyoung because they don’t have the burden of the years of friendship and the possibility of losing it all due to some romantic feelings that may not even matter in the long run. But it’s like San’s words have infected him, his mantra of ‘confess to him’ and ‘can’t you tell it’s not just a crush anymore’. 

Because even though Mingi acts ignorant, he can’t deny himself the fact that his crush on Yunho has manifested into something bigger. But that doesn’t matter because he’s not brave enough to confess. 

He’s _scared_. 

Scared of how Yunho would react, scared of getting rejected, and then scared of how that rejection would affect their relationship. Even if there is some possibility of Yunho accepting his feelings, what if their relationship turns sour because of dating?

He's scared of his own feelings. 

Mingi steps inside the dorm feeling emotionally exhausted by just _thinking_ about his emotions. 

“Jung Yunho?” he calls out and is slightly relieved that there is no reply. 

He makes a beeline to his room and jumps unto his bed. He curls up under his blankets and scrolls on Instagram mindlessly. 

An hour later, or more (time does not exist when scrolling through Instagram), San sends him a text. Mingi nearly drops his phone in a hurry to click the notification. 

It’s a photo of San and Wooyoug, both of them hand in hand, staring at each other with bright eyes and huge smiles. It’s so sickeningly sweet and slightly tacky, but it’s so _San_. 

Not even an hour into their relationship and San had convinced Wooyoung to take a cheesy couple picture together. Actually, knowing Wooyoung, _he_ was probably the one to come up with the idea to take a photo in the first place. A second later San calls. Mingi picks up immediately. 

“Hello, lover boy.” 

“Mingi,” San screeches on the other end, “I did it!” 

Mingi laughs, “Yeah I saw the picture. I assume it went well.” 

San laughs, “The picture is cute huh? I wanted to take a selfie but Wooyoung thought it would be better to set the phone on a stand and time it to take a full shot of us holding hands. He’s so fucking cute!” 

“Oh man, you are so whipped already.” 

“I am not!” 

“Whatever, I'm glad,” Mingi retorts, his voice turning lighter, “but don’t worry I’ll make sure to let him know that if he hurts you he will catch these hands.” 

San giggles, “My hero,” there’s a pause and he vaguely hears Wooyoung’s voice, “okay Mingi I have to go. But one more thing...Don’t be scared of change. Sometimes change is great. Trust me. Trust your own feelings.” 

Then San hangs up leaving Mingi to listen to the dull tones on the other end in surprise. Leave it to San to read him like a book. He sighs and flings his phone away from him to the other end of the bed. He stares up at the ceiling, wondering what would life be like if he wasn’t in love with his best friend. 

Easier, in some sense. Happier? 

No. 

He doesn’t think he can ever regret being in love with Yunho. Even if one day everything goes to hell, and he comes to hate himself. He can’t-won’t be able to hate the part of himself that loves Yunho. 

“Mingi!” A voice calls out to him, and Mingi startles hearing the person he is just thinking about calling his name. 

“In my room!” 

Yunho barges into his room, panting. 

“Did you just run all the way here?” Mingi asks in disbelief, the arts building was all the way across campus. 

Yunho wheezes, “Why weren’t you picking up your phone?”

Mingi sits up in his bed and looks over at the phone lying on the other side of his bed, “Phone too far away.” 

Yunho leaps over and grabs the phone, “Okay Mingi I want to tell you something, and I want you to take a deep breath for it.” 

Mingi looks at the other in confusion, “I think _you_ need to take a deep breath. It looks like you just ran a marathon.”

Yunho walks over, cradling Mingi’s phone and his own in his hands, and sits by him on the bed, “Mingi I need you to relax.” 

_Did Yunho hit his head somewhere?_

“...I am relaxed...” 

Yunho takes in a deep breath, “Okay so I have a friend who follows this guy named Wooyoung and that guy recently posted on Instagram of this pic-ugh basically I think tha- um the picture uh okay so I don- um so there was um- so I think... San is cheating on you!” 

Mingi for a few seconds just stares at Yunho blankly, he hears the words but the meaning doesn’t register until later because of the absurdity of it. 

“You think what now?” Mingi manages to choke out. 

Yunho sighs while he opens his phone and shows him the screen. 

Mingi squints and sees that Wooyoung had posted the picture that San sent of both of them on his Instagram account with the caption: _This time it’s real._

_Which is cute really. Why are they so cute? There are single peopl-_

_Wait._

_Did Yunho just-did he…?_

_Did he think I was dating San?_

“Yunho,” Mingi says in disbelief, “I’m not dating San. I don’t even like him like that!” 

Yunho blinks at him in confusion and puts his phone down, “You're not? But I thought… At the party, he said he was your boyfriend!”

Mingi’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion, he barely remembers anything from that night, “He did?” 

“Yeah!” Yunho exclaims, affronted, “He was like ‘get away from my boyfriend you asshole’. 

The impression of San, under any other context, would have been incredibly funny but Mingi could not even bring himself to laugh because he’s just so confused by this whole situation. 

“Yeah,” Mingi replies slowly, “He just said that because he was protecting me from that guy who was making a move on me.” 

“Oh,” Yunho says softly, his face now scrunched in confusion, “But then… why… the other day… you told him you loved him.” 

Mingi throws his hands in the air, “Yeah because I’m his friend, who loves him like a _friend_ _! "_

Yunho frowns, his face still scrunched up but this time he looks more hurt than confused, “I’m your friend, you never told me you loved me!” 

Mingi huffs, “Yeah I have.” 

Yunho frown turns into a pout, “Not after middle school.” 

Mingi’s heart sinks, realizing that he _hasn’t_ told Yunho he loved him after middle school. Not after he realized that _his_ love could mean something different. Here he was, under the illusion that his feelings hadn’t changed their friendship when it did. He feels panic slowly build up inside of him. It's like he is watching a house of cards that he took hours to create slowly wobbling, ready to collapse on itself. And there is nothing to do about it. 

Yunho takes in a deep breath. 

Mingi waits. 

“Mingi I have something really important to say,” Yunho starts gently placing their phones by the bedside, he puts his hands together and stares at Mingi, his eyes wide and honest, “I can’t… it’s hard to keep this from you… I thought I could but… it might change our friendship, you might… might not want to see me anymore… but I feel like if I don’t tell you all these feelings inside of me would burst someday. Mingi I-” 

Mingi braces himself for the cards to collapse. 

“Mingi I like you, more than a friend.” 

There’s silence. Mingi doesn’t even breathe. 

_Yunho.. He…_

“You what now?” Mingi garbles out in shock, his mouth producing a reply before his brain could even keep up with what was just said. 

Yunho swallows, “Look I… remember the party? At the party, the whole time I was annoyed at San because I invited you and the whole time you were with San which I guess was unfair of me because I was with my dance team. But I thought I was annoyed because you know I’m your best friend it would make sense that I was jealous of a close friend you made.” 

_Okay, Mingi you understand that._

Yunho takes in a deep breath, “Then I saw you making out with that guy and I was so mad at him. But before I could interfere San came in and said he was… he said he was your boyfriend and I was _madder_ at San. He said he was going to take you home and I wanted to _punch_ him. Which was even more confusing because I shouldn't… I shouldn’t feel like that, not as your friend anyway.”

Yunho rubs his face tiredly, “I thought okay maybe I drank a bit too much. But then the next day seeing you with San…it felt way worse because I was fully sober. I wanted to take you away from him which is messed up because as your best friend I should have been happy that you had a boyfriend. Instead, I was just sad. At first, I thought it was because you never actually told me San was your boyfriend and I was upset that you decided to keep it from me. But that wasn’t right because I not only felt sad, I felt possessive. Then I kept on getting these dreams… gosh, don’t hate me for this…” 

He pauses and Mingi honestly doesn’t know what to expect because this whole conversation feels like a fever dream. 

Yunho scrunches his eyes close as if he is seeing something he’s too afraid to see, “... keep having these dreams of you and that guy from that party except it’s not… it’s not the guy… it’s me and you and we are just… and it’s the first time that I have ever… with anyone… ” 

_Oh._

_This is definitely some fever dream._

“... and the whole thing just distracted me… and the dance team noticed so Seonghwa asked me and I just told him because I can’t tell you, especially since I thought you were dating San. And we figured some things out like that I am demisexual and that I am in love with my best friend. I think I have always been in love with you, just too dense to realize it until now.” 

Yunho opens his eyes again and this time they are watery. That is what snaps Mingi out of the daze he is in because Yunho doesn’t cry. 

“... I didn’t want to keep it from you,” Yunho continues, his voice shaky, “but I had to because I thought you and San were together. I didn’t want to come into the middle of that… but now that I know you two aren’t… I’m not telling you because I expect you to reciprocate, I’m telling you because you’re my best friend and you… I want you to know even if it ruins our friendship because I can’t… I can’t live my life not telling you how I really feel. ” 

When Mingi and Yunho were twelve a group of kids dared Mingi to go through a dark tunnel in their neighbourhood. It was old, dark and nobody used it anymore. Urban legends about the ghosts of the people of a bus crash that occurred there decades ago made it a popular location for people who were looking for haunted locations and immature children who wanted to bully other children. 

Initially, it was just Mingi who was dared into going through the tunnel but Yunho had quickly asserted that he would go with him. Back then they never did anything without each other. 

Mingi was scared out of his mind. He doesn’t even go into his own basement because he’s scared something is down there and his basement is furnished. But he held it in because even though he was scared of the tunnel he was more scared of the other kids and what they would think if they knew he was afraid. 

When Yunho reached for his hand, he dodged it and entered the tunnel with his head held high. 

But every thud of his footsteps and every whisper of the wind in the darkness made his knees wobble. Well into the middle of the tunnel, he saw something in the corner of his eyes. Something white. Fear clutched his heart in a deathly grip, his legs gave out and he fell to the ground. Bringing his knees to his chest, he shuts his eyes in fear, hoping that whatever that is there to take him, takes him quickly. 

Instead, he felt a soft embrace and it’s Yunho’s voice that sent waves of calm through him. 

“I’m here.” 

Mingi shivered and Yunho pulled him closer, “You should have said you were scared.” 

“I didn’t want anyone to know I was scared,” Mingi answered shakily, “If the other kids knew they would have made fun of me.” 

“That’s stupid,” Yunho mumbled, “Those are your _feelings_ , why would you hide them?” 

Yunho didn’t understand because Yunho had always been brave, in more ways than one. He isn’t scared of ghosts, he isn’t scared of the dark, and he isn’t scared of wearing his heart on his sleeve. 

He isn't scared of letting the world know what he feels. 

Now Mingi stares at Yunho who just laid his heart out bare in front of him. Who, within a few weeks of realizing his feelings, had told him the words that Mingi had been holding in for years. The feelings that Mingi has been afraid of showing for years. 

Even now Yunho stares at him in nervousness of what Mingi would say back, but there’s isn't a hint of fear in his eyes. 

Yunho hesitatingly reaches forward and lays his hand over Mingi’s, “Say something Mingi.” 

Mingi expects himself to feel nervous, but he has never been calmer in his life. He remembers Yunho pulling him into a hug in the dark tunnel in reassurance, telling him that’s it’s stupid to be scared of your own feelings. 

Maybe he should have listened to Yunho a long time ago. 

Mingi flips his hand so that instead of Yunho’s hand resting on top of his, their fingers are laced together. 

“Yunho,” he whispers, his voice steady, “I have been in love with you since high school.”

Yunho’s eyes grow wide, “What? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” 

Mingi smiles sadly, “Because I was scared.” 

Yunho leans in and wraps his arms around the other, “You don’t have to be anymore.” 

Mingi hugs him back, nestling his head on the other’s shoulder, “Yeah I know,” he whispers, his heart trembling, and his eyes filled to the brim with tears that he tries to blink back. 

Yunho hums, “It must have been hard huh? Keeping it in all these years. Sorry, Mingi.” 

Mingi shuts his eyes and a few tears slip out, “For what?” he asks shakily. 

Yunho, feeling Mingi quiver against him, softly kisses the other’s shoulder, “For being so slow,” he whispers against his shoulder, “For not realizing sooner. For hurting you all these years.” 

Mingi shakes his head and pulls Yunho closer, “It’s okay, you’re mine now.” 

Yunho laughs and they’re so close that Mingi feels the laugh vibrate across him, but he still aches to be closer. He lifts his head off Yunho’s shoulder and pulls back so they’re facing each other again. Yunho notices the streaks of tears across his face and gently wipes them away. 

Mingi gulps, “Yunho…” he starts. 

“Can I kiss you?” Yunho finishes. 

Mingi nods and as Yunho leans in his eyes flutter close. Yunho’s lips press against his gently, and Mingi slowly kisses him back. 

Yunho brings his hand up to the other’s jaw and gently runs his thumb against the other’s jawline. Mingi shivers as he parts his lips slightly and gently runs the tip of his tongue against the other’s upper lip. Yunho groans in retaliation and deepens the kiss. Mingi’s heart beats wildly and he clutches unto Yunho’s shirt to steady himself. 

The ping of a text message from one of their phones breaks them apart. They stare at each other, panting, face flushed and hearts wild. 

Yunho glances at the phone on the table and looks back at Mingi, a bashful smile gracing his features, “My phone.” 

Mingi gently punches the other’s shoulder, “You ruined the romantic moment.” 

Yunho feigns hurt and he rubs the shoulder that Mingi hurt, “Ow, that’s not a nice thing to do to your boyfriend.” 

Then his face turns serious, “Wait we are dating now right?” Yunho asks genuinely. 

Mingi shakes his head in laughter, “Yeah Yunho we’re dating now.” 

Yunho pumps his fist in the air, “Let’s celebrate with a photo! I wanna take one like San and Wooyoung.” 

Mingi rolls his eyes and reaches over for his phone but Yunho stops him. 

“Your other camera.” 

Mingi reaches over to his bag on the floor and takes it out, “Why?” 

Yunho shrugs, “Photos turn out better that way. Right?” 

Mingi smiles, “Yeah you’re right,” he hands Yunho his camera, “You should take it.” 

Yunho bows his head and takes the camera from him, “It would be my honour.” 

Mingi scoffs in response, his smile growing wider as he shifts himself around so that Yunho and he are sitting right next to each other. 

“You’re the photographer, how do you wanna take it?” 

Yunho looks up in thought, and after a few seconds, he gasps as if he has got a brilliant idea. He flips the camera around so that the lens is facing them. “A selfie.” 

He raises the camera higher and he looks up at it, Mingi follows the gaze. 

“Oh wait,” Yunho interrupts. “Mingi you have something on your nose.” 

Confused, Mingi turns his head and looks at Yunho, both of them nose to nose. 

“What-” Mingi starts. But gets cut off when Yunho leans in and presses his lips chastely against the other’s. Mingi hears the camera lens shutter. 

When Yunho pulls back and smiles at him shyly, Mingi leans in and kisses him again. 

Yunho might be a better photographer than him. 

Mingi gets that photo developed as soon as he possibly can. When the photo develops he can't stop laughing. 

In the photo all you can see is the top of both Yunho’s and Mingi’s head and the wall behind them. The camera was raised too high to capture anything else. 

_Ah Jung Yunho, what else can I expect from you?_

It’s so endearing that the photo is Mingi’s favourite. 

When he goes home he takes out his shoebox to place the photo in it. When he puts the photo in the box, he pauses in thought. He brings the shoebox out of his room and to the kitchen table. He lays out all the photos in it in the order that it was placed in the box. He leans back and takes a look at it, at all seven of them. 

Mingi has no idea why he ever tried to hide these away. 

Yunho, who was playing a video game in the living room, walks up to him and hugs him from behind, his arms wrapping around Mingi’s torso. 

“What photos are those?” he asks, resting his chin on Mingi’s shoulder. 

Mingi grins and leans back into the embrace, “My most cherished photographs.” 

Yunho unwraps himself from the other and reaches towards the first photograph, “Hey, isn't that that a photograph of when we were five?” 

Mingi takes Yunho's hand in his and starts explaining each one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i have never actually watched The Notebook  
> i hope you have enjoyed the fic!!! it's my first ateez fic and you guys have been so friendly with your comments that it really helped me finish off this fic!!  
> I'm planning on participating in #SeongjoongWeek2020 so follow me on twitter @starlightstars_ for any updates on fics I'm going to write!!!  
> thank you so much for reading!!!


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